The Modern Super-Mom
Is attending every sports game the measure of how good a parent you are?
It’s 20 degrees, snowing and windy, and I’m standing outside watching Chana Laya’s first ever soccer game.
A few hours earlier, Menny had a soccer game (while I was teaching Tanya), so we divided and conquered: Chaim Shaul went to Menny’s game, and I went to Chana Laya’s.
It’s the first year that we have two kids in soccer, so I have no idea how this is going to play out.
While I was standing there in the cold, freezing my TUCHUS off, I was thinking about the conversation I had with Elin on the last podcast (listen here). We talked about attending sports games and the narrative around that. What does it mean to be a good mom? Oh boy, does society have ideas about that.
It’s really nice and dandy before we have kids to have an idea of what kind of mother we want to be, and what constitutes a mom who is present and involved.
I’m never going to yell.
We are going to eat healthy and limit sugar.
I’ll be at every sports game.
I’m only going to breastfeed.
No screens.
You get the idea. The list goes on.
In truth, it rarely goes how we imagine.
Over the years, while Menny played every sport available and I wasn’t at every game, I had to reckon with how I feel about it, and the judgment we face or put on ourselves. I am a good, supportive, and involved mom. I facilitate all my kids’ extracurricular activities by holding down the fort at home with the other kids, making dinner, filling water bottles, etc.
Moms are inundated with so much information. Do this, don’t do this. Parent this way, don’t parent that way… it’s a lot of noise.
The expectations put on mothers (and fathers) these days are immense.
Be a friend.
Be a parent.
Make sure you spend time with them (one-on-one, no less).
Make sure they have the skills to be independent.
Make sure that they respect you.
Free expression is vital.
Be at every game.
Have a home-cooked dinner ready and waiting on schedule.
We are expected to do it all, and it’s overwhelming; it was meant to take a village.
And yes, all this was going through my head at the soccer game. What can I say? Philosophy is in my blood.
Bottom line: if you’re asking yourself whether you are a good mom or not, then congratulations—you’re on the right track. You care, you think about it, and you’re doing your best.
You’ll know in your heart of hearts if you’re a good parent (and you’ll also know if you’re being honest with yourself). Don’t let anyone else’s ideas determine that for you.
Will I be at every soccer game? No, I will not. But you know what I do have? I have a village, and they show up. The community we have in Bozeman is family, and there is always someone showing up for the games and so much more. They will always have someone cheering for them on the sidelines, and they will always have me, their biggest cheerleader, whether I’m at the game or at home.
Love,
Chavie