Taking Up Space

A meditation on showing up as our full selves, and living the hell out of life.

I’m on the way home from a few days of sun and sand. You guys are no strangers to my thoughts on rest, taking breaks, and taking care of our health—mental, physical, and emotional—so I’m not going to hash it out again, but let’s just say that I really needed to air out. I was so drained, and this trip hit the spot in every way.

Over the last few days, I had some great conversations about all sorts of things, but one thing that kept coming up was this concept of “taking up space.” And since arriving back home, it has continued to pop up in my brain.

TAKING UP SPACE — This isn’t an idea I made up. I’m sure if you’re on the “healing” journey, you’ve encountered this idea many times over. I’m not sure that I have anything revolutionary to add—just musing around the idea.

You see, I was having my morning coffee, working on this essay, and I suddenly felt self-conscious. Do people really want to hear about another trip of mine? That got me thinking: What is the balance? What’s the line between showing up versus just making noise?

Me voicing my opinions online, writing articles, hosting a podcast, showing up on social media—these are all manifestations of taking up space in the literal sense. I really don’t struggle with being unapologetically me, and I have definitely built more confidence around that over the years. Yet, there is another side of me that has internalized a narrative that likes to be super accommodating and avoids conflict. I was taught and modeled to say yes no matter what.

So I’ve been thinking: What does it mean for me to “take up space?”

Do we need to take up space just for the sake of taking up space?
Is there inherent value in being easygoing and accommodating?
Is it harder for women to take up space?
How do we take up space in a way that aligns with our values?

As usual, I don’t think there are black-and-white answers, but here are some thoughts:

If you are alive, Hashem put you here for a reason. The world needs you and your specific energy! I’m pretty sure that this requires taking up some space! I think as we get older and live life, we better understand ourselves and our unique gifts, and that allows us to show up in an aligned, embodied way. As we learn, we may find ourselves taking up space in not the most graceful way. That’s okay, because we’re learning, we’re feeling, we’re trying.

I think it’s okay to be accommodating and easy and sweet; there are times for that. It’s not okay if doing that is a betrayal of who we are. It’s not okay when the results make us lose ourselves. It’s not okay when we’re afraid for our voices to be heard. It’s not okay when we hide our light.

I do think women struggle with this more. I think we have absorbed messaging over and over again that tells us to be quiet, demure, modest. I don’t think that is a Torah value. I think that the Torah expects men and women equally to show up in a G-dly way, and yet somehow it got all muddled and misconstrued along the way. I think women are fully capable of showing up and taking up space in a “modest” and beautiful way.

And lastly, I think we owe it to ourselves to explore who we are. To spend the time and effort to understand why we are here, and then live the hell out of life.

I will say it again: We are all here intentionally! Hashem makes no mistakes. Live life with that knowledge. Live life being fully present. Live life with intention. Be embodied. Be aligned. Shine your light.

OK, the end.

Chavie