Gratitude
Originally published on www.clearasmud.blog on June 20, 2023.
Gratitude is a word we hear often. It’s a concept we all believe in and strive to make a part of our lives. When I started to write an essay about gratitude, my brain started racing, and I was like, “Oh wow, okay! What can I add that is valuable to a topic that we talk so much about?” The last thing I would want is for you, the reader, to roll your eyes and think, “Well, that was a waste of time :).”
All this is to say that I took this assignment very seriously; it’s been occupying my mind for weeks. I even engaged you on Instagram for some of your insight. One of the questions I asked was, “What stops you from being able to feel grateful?”
Here are some of the responses I got:
Stress
Sadness
Overwhelm
Exhaustion/Burnout
Anger
Anxiety
Jealousy
Resentment
Not being present
Scarcity
Unworthiness
Daily grind
Can’t be forced or expected
Many of you who participated in my poll shared that you felt capable of tapping into gratitude a lot of the time, but these were the feelings or the states of mind you were in when you found yourselves stuck and incapable of gratitude.
And boy, do I relate.
These responses are what inspired the direction in which I want to take this piece.
If you’re anything like me, I find it hard to force upon myself that feeling of gratitude when that’s not how I’m feeling at the moment on the inside. I also know that our mindset and the messages we send ourselves create the emotional/psychological reality that we are in. The personal journey that I’ve been on has allowed me to contemplate the possibility of bridging the gap. How do I authentically create a mindset that, by osmosis, affects the way I navigate life and the feelings I feel? The point isn’t to distract us from the areas of life that are causing us pain. Usually, when we are experiencing discomfort, discontent, or disappointment, it’s because we have a dream that hasn’t been actualized yet.
Your dream is worth pursuing! Gratitude is not about settling for less; rather, it’s about connecting to your dreams as they exist in the present—not just about their full actualization, which, G-d willing, will happen in the future.
Too many times, we stop ourselves from fully enjoying life as it is in the present.
For example:
“I’ll only buy myself a new outfit after I lose ten pounds.”
“I’ll feel like a good parent when I can stay calm in stressful situations.”
“I’ll feel happy in my marriage if we don’t argue all the time.”
What if there were a way to access the contentment or happiness in the present, while we are on the journey to the promised land of our optimistic dreams?
Something like:
Feeling confident in today’s body.
Feeling connected to our children as we grow and repair past wounds.
Enjoying your marriage even amid unresolved issues.
Gratitude can help us widen the camera lens so that we can zoom out and see more context. Same picture, same dream, different perspective.
Before Pesach, my husband purchased a book called You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. This kind of book is right up my alley, and I found myself reading it when my husband wasn’t. It has been having a really big impact on me. I find myself thinking about it all the time. My husband and I are also having many interesting and deep conversations around it. I want to share with you some of the concepts that have really impacted me. We will only be touching the surface, so if what I’m saying here resonates, I really encourage you to get a copy!
Here is where I’m going with this: I feel like one of the ways we can reach genuine gratitude is if we start to heal ourselves. Of course, it’s not the only way, but it’s the way that makes the most sense to me. Louise Hay has a perspective on how to do this—it’s simultaneously challenging and straightforwardly simple.
Some of her philosophies are:
Every thought we think is creating our future.
The point of power is always in the present moment.
Everyone suffers from self-hatred and guilt.
It’s only a thought, and a thought can be changed.
Resentment, criticism, and guilt are the most damaging patterns.
We must be willing to begin to learn to love ourselves.
When we really love ourselves, everything in our life works.
Each one of these philosophies is so powerful, and we could spend days talking about each one! You know what else? I think it must resonate with me because all of these come straight from Tanya. She might not know it, but this is very much Chassidic philosophy 101.
Life is really very simple: what we give out is what we get back. What we think about ourselves becomes the truth for us. What we think about our life, children, marriage, or job becomes our reality. Most of us have foolish ideas about who we are, and many rigid rules about how life should be lived. This idea is not to put us down. I believe we are all doing the best we can with the tools and information we have, and if you know me, you will hear me say this often. But if we started to know better, had more understanding and awareness, we could do better or differently.
Almost everyone struggles with thoughts of “I’m not good enough.” Resentment, fear, guilt, and criticism cause more problems for our health than anything else. There is so much to say about this, and it takes a lot of work to internalize, but if we approve of ourselves exactly as we are, everything in life starts to work out. This is a big statement, and I have been wrestling with it—almost not wanting it to be true. Reflecting on it honestly makes it hard for me to deny.
Love is the miracle cure. Loving ourselves works miracles in our lives. Love is appreciation to such a degree that, when properly contemplated, can fill your heart till it overflows and bursts with joy.
Love can go in any direction. You can feel love for (as Louise says in her book):
The very process of life itself
The joy of being alive
The beauty you see
Another person
Knowledge
The process of your mind
Our bodies!
Please add to this list!
Do you see where I’m going with this? I am pretty sure this leads us on a direct path to gratitude.
Lately, I have been into the world of affirmations. I’ve dabbled before, but it’s resonating with me more now than ever before. I introduced it to the kids as well, and they are soaking it up. I have been saying them with Chana Laya before bed, and she just lights up.
Depending on your goal and what you’re struggling with, that will determine the affirmation that will resonate. But a good one to start with is:
I love and accept myself exactly as I am.
Say it into the mirror multiple times each day.
In this book, she shares specific affirmations for particular struggles, but it always boils down to self-love!
I hope this inspires you to go down the path of self-love, gratitude, and embracing the power of your mindset.
YOU DESERVE IT. YOU ARE WORTHY.
Love,
Your biggest cheerleader,
Chavie
P.S. Besides the book, I want to share with you two additional resources that I find very helpful:
Gratitude Journal by Mathias J. Barker – it’s the best gratitude journal I have seen. Some of the concepts in this article I learned from him.
Citrine & Sage creates amazing essential oil blends. Each blend comes with a set of affirmations. We use them every day in our home. You can find her on Instagram, and she sells her blends on Etsy.