Complete & Utter Oneness

Navigating the spectrum of emotions throughout Tishrei this year.

This month of holidays can be full of hustle and bustle, yet it is also a time for deep personal reflection.

There is a trajectory to this month, and we revisit this process every year. It’s vital to have a system that provides us the ability to check in, re-evaluate, and reaffirm who we are, where we come from, and where we are headed. How lucky are we that G‑d built a framework and gave us the opportunity to do this on a silver platter?

Rosh Hashanah is when we ground ourselves. We remember our inherent and infinite self-worth. Yes, we are a work in progress. Yes, there have been times when we acted from a place of ego. Yes, we’ve done things that don’t align with our G‑dly soul and inherent value system. Yes, we spend time on this holy day reflecting on our shortcomings, but mostly we connect, remembering who we truly are at our core. Hashem is right there waiting for us, out in the field, accessible and available—waiting for us to embrace Him, lean on Him, and trust Him.

Then comes Yom Kippur. Yom Kippur is all about surrender. Rosh Hashanah was about connection, and now that we’ve set the stage, we are ready for complete and utter oneness. We don’t eat, and we separate from all the mundane aspects of life. For one day, we strip everything away so we can return to our bodies with a renewed sense of belonging.

I read a beautiful post from Human & Holy that really impacted me. It was inspired by the Yom Kippur prayer, “Ki Hinei Kachomer”—“We are like clay in the hand of the potter.” Tanya talks about letting go, surrendering how we think things should be, and who we think we are supposed to be: “Less certainty, more faith, fewer demands, more vessels.”

We are like clay in the hands of the potter, like glass in the hands of the glassblower. We surrender, lean in, let go, and TRUST. Trust the path we’re on, trust who we are today, trust where we are. Trust that G‑d has our back. Trust and believe in our inherent goodness. That’s what this day is all about.

I know that some years it’s easier than others to tap into this. Some years we face many distractions, and some years we don’t even make it into shul for whatever reason. Trust in that too. Soften into your reality, soften into whatever internal and external circumstances you might find yourself in. Nothing positive comes from rigidity and harshness. We need to unconditionally love ourselves so we can feel the unconditional love that Hashem has for us. We won’t feel love if we’re stuck in judgment and shame.

(Side note: This is me letting you in on my personal pep talk.)

This year was particularly rough. No one could have imagined sitting in shul last Yom Kippur knowing what we were about to endure as a nation. We have gone through the whole spectrum of emotions over the past twelve months: anger, grief, denial, fear, surrender, faith, trust, strength—the list goes on. Some days, it felt like we weren’t going to make it. But what I noticed in myself, and in others, is astounding endurance and resilience, both personally and as a nation.

Everything was stripped away—our safeties, our crutches. We were left with nothing aside from the one thing that is everything: G‑d. The G‑d that lives in each one of us. Our souls woke up—I saw it with my own eyes, living in Montana. People who had never been affiliated, who didn’t even know what it meant to be Jewish, were reaching out for connection. I think this year, we reached a level of surrender that we haven’t, or at least I haven’t, experienced in my lifetime. We can’t go back. We can’t unsee what we’ve seen and experienced. We go forward. We take our newfound sense of surrender, and we build on it. We trust a little more, connect a little more, love a little more, and grow a little more.

Now, we find ourselves right before the next stage of our holiday extravaganza: Sukkos. Sukkos is the implementation of all the thoughts and ideas we’ve committed to on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. We go out of our comfort zone. We literally leave our warm or air-conditioned homes (depending on where you live) and eat (and maybe sleep) outside. We put our faith and trust into practice. Judaism isn’t about the growth and development that happens in our heads. We are action-oriented; we live the values, not just think them. And the best part is that we do it with joy and complete, utter faith that things will be okay!

Which leads us to the final holiday: Simchas Torah, the official holiday of joy! I will never forgive Hamas for taking our time of celebration—the time when we were so easily able to tap into joy—and making it complicated and hard. It’s layered, intense, and hard—oh, so hard. How I will miss the simplicity of dancing with the Torah with abandon and a full heart. I’m worried about how it will all play out, how I will feel. But I was comforted and inspired by Chana Traxler’s insight, which she shared on the Totally Unexpected! podcast. If you haven’t listened yet, it’s worth doing so before Simchas Torah!

I’ll briefly share what she said: First, we are capable and called upon, especially as Jews, to hold many complex experiences at the same time. We’ve done it throughout history and will continue to do so until Moshiach comes. Second, we are holy. Simchas Torah is holy and full of light. Terrorists, Hamas, are dark and evil. Simchas Torah is, in its essence, a holy, joyful day. What happened on Simchas Torah was dark. If we don’t let the darkness overshadow the essential holiness, this in itself will give us strength to navigate its complexities. My goal is to remember this and to send light to our soldiers and hostages. If our light becomes dark, then we are really in trouble.

So, my wish for all of you is to keep your light shining. This is hard, but we can do it. We have the tools.

May our hostages come home!

May our soldiers stay safe!

May all those who have suffered so much loss be comforted!

May Moshiach come now, so we can truly celebrate.

All my love,  

Chavie