Caution: Humans Under Construction

My summer of anxiety & gratitude.

We are all a work in progress, right?!

If you’ve been following me, you know how I feel about the agonizingly long three-month summer break we have in Bozeman. Here’s the thing: I really want to be the person who creates a positive narrative around these unstructured months. I want to be the mom who cherishes and loves every moment with the kids, who sees what’s happening in the world and translates it into pure gratitude.

I saw a meme that said, “We have about eighty summers in a lifetime, make the most of them.” I believe that and live up to it, for the most part. I love a good family adventure, and there are many aspects of summer that I enjoy. With nine months of winter, how could I not? I wait for this weather all year.

Yet, I struggle with this dual reality: loving summer and dreading it at the same time. Usually, I’m the master of holding multiple feelings at once—I’ve had lots of practice—but this one is getting to me. I don’t like the feeling of waiting with bated breath for school to start. I don’t like the panic that sets in as summer approaches. I just keep getting stuck and can’t seem to shift my mindset.

The crazy thing is, I can look back at the summer and appreciate the many moments and experiences we had. Our trip to Whidbey Island was truly special; we had many days of hiking and chilling. And if I put everything into perspective, we did well—it could’ve been way worse, lol. But the pragmatic, realist side of me can’t shake the memory of constant bickering, the lack of structure, and schedules turning upside down because a certain child (ahem) refused to go to camp…

I don’t want to be the person who’s always counting down the days to something else. I want to be present for the good, the hard, and the ugly too. To embrace the realities that contribute to my wonderful, awesome, and never dull life.

All things considered, I am proud of myself for showing up every day with a smile, for the most part ;). I navigated complicated dynamics and schedules and adapted to all the curveballs thrown at me—while trying to produce a podcast, I might add. I’m often able to tap into the gratitude I have that G-d gave me the stamina and resilience needed for my life. I’m grateful for the awareness I have of the parts of myself that could use some growth. I just told my son, Menny, today that we all have parts of ourselves that need work—that’s the beauty of being human on this earth.

So here’s to being a work in progress. Here’s to anticipating next summer with positivity and grace. I’m putting it out there in the universe, so guys, please hold me accountable!