Gosh, this word has been coming up a lot for me lately!
Capacity: the maximum amount that something or someone can contain.
I truly believe that G-d doesn’t give us more than we can handle. Yet, at the same time, I feel an overwhelming sense that I’ve reached my capacity—that every day takes so much effort and intention, and I have no idea how I’ll gather the strength to do it all again tomorrow.
But I have to.
Does anyone else feel this way?
I don’t want to live constantly in survival mode. Occasionally, we need to, but when it becomes the norm, I feel like something needs to change, that something deserves reevaluation.
I feel (and yes, it’s just a feeling—I’ve got nothing concrete to back it up) that the first step is to identify what "capacity" feels like for you. Are you dealing with emotional and mental capacity, or is this more of a physical issue? Trust me, it could be both. What sensations do you notice in your body when you feel like you’ve hit a wall? Are you so overwhelmed that you have no idea what’s happening inside, completely out of touch with how emotions feel in your body? I know, I know—I’m asking a lot of tough questions, but honestly, we all need this kind of self-awareness.
If something isn’t working and we want to change it, we first need to understand what’s not working and why. Often, we think it’s one thing, but when we dig a little deeper, we discover it’s something else entirely.
I spend a lot of time in therapy, and it has helped me become more aware. It has enabled me to connect physical sensations with my emotions.
Since this is my blog and I’m on the hot seat, I’ll share a personal example.
I’ve started identifying what it feels like in my body when I sense that I’m trapped or when my emotional space is being invaded. Almost always, it shows up in my gut. That’s where I carry and store my stress.
What does it mean to feel trapped? For me, it’s the sensation that I’m in a lose-lose situation, doing everything “right” but not seeing the results I hoped for. It can even mean I don’t feel comfortable in my own home. I’m extremely sensitive to energy and any negative vibes make me want to run for the hills.
Capacity = I can’t do this.
When those words go through your mind multiple times a day, it’s time for something to change. As much as I’d like to blame those feelings on my kids’ behavior, the COVID circumstances, or anything and everything else, those things aren’t in my control! I want so badly to believe that if only this thing or that circumstance were different, I’d be fine. But I’ve come to realize (and it wasn’t easy) that’s not the case; the only thing I have control over is my own mindset, my own actions, and what comes out of my mouth.
So, here are some changes I’ve made. These are still a work in progress because growth is not linear! Remember this: be kind to yourself, especially when you’re pushing yourself out of your comfort zone.
One change I needed was to shift how I speak to myself. The more I told myself “I can’t do this,” the more my mind and body believed it, and it became a self-fulfilling prophecy. So now, when something challenging comes along (like once an hour), the first thing I tell myself is, “I can do this”—even if I don’t completely believe it. The more I repeat this to myself, the more it becomes my reality.
Boundaries—I know we hear this term a lot, and it’s often misused. A boundary is something we hold for ourselves. For example, if a teenager gives us attitude, telling them “You’re not allowed to give me attitude” isn’t a boundary; it’s a rule or expectation. A boundary would look like this: “When you give me attitude, I’ll kindly but firmly tell you that I’m available to speak when I am treated with respect.” You’ve now created a boundary, and they can choose whether to change their behavior. You’re making it clear what you are, and are not, willing to tolerate. The focus is on yourself and what you’re going to do to respect the limits you’ve set.
Setting boundaries isn’t easy, especially when you’re worried about the fallout. Initially, they’re often not met with joy, but I’ve realized how essential they are. Without them, it’s so easy to burn out and become resentful. That’s not how I want to live, and though I haven’t perfected boundary-setting, it’s definitely the way forward for me.
In my previous post about Puerto Rico, I wrote that “Life is a series of choices between what hurts and what hurts worse.” For me, it hurt worse to feel stuck and like I’d reached my capacity. So I realized some changes were necessary. I’m sure I’ll make plenty of mistakes because making changes is messy business—full of trial and error. But one thing I know for sure is that growth is never done; it’s a lifelong journey, and I am, G-d willing, in it for the long haul.
Whaddaya say!?