The Bar Mitzvah & The Day After

Being present for the highs and lows that come with life's biggest moments.

Happy Sunday 😬

Have I told you that Sundays are so hard for me? I’m writing this on Sunday and it’s not helping that it’s snowing (May 17th no less). This isn’t unusual, it happens every year, and yet every year I’m offended by it :).

Here we are, Bar Mitzvah firmly behind us. I want to do a proper recap and reflection but finding it hard to do when I’m deep in the crash of it all.

Does it take away from the awesomeness of a big life event if we address the aftermath, emotional and physical? 🤷‍♀️

I hope not! I think it’s one of those things that happen and we can benefit from giving it space. I’ve come to understand, and believe, that most things in life, especially the big stuff, are never just one-dimensional. Things are complicated, multi-dimensional, and, often, emotionally confusing.

One thing is for sure: everything about the Bar Mitzvah was incredible, exceeding all expectations. From Shabbos, to Monday, the day of Menny’s Aliyah at the Torah, to the big bash on Tuesday, and all the hospitality meals in between; it was all so special. How do you capture the energy, the joy, the love, and the community, in words? It’s a good thing we have these moments captured on camera by the one and only @chanablumesphoto! That definitely helps!

I had to pinch myself as I watched Menny read from the Torah so naturally. My heart almost couldn’t contain the experience of watching Menny sing and perform with Nissim Black onstage, owning his unique place in the world loud and proud. I was filled with pride watching Menny make every single person feel like a million bucks for coming and celebrating with him, making sure every kid got attention and love.

I knew there were going to be so many emotionally overwhelming moments throughout the celebration, so I wanted to prepare myself as much as I could to be as present as possible. Of course, I enlisted my therapist in this endeavor, and we talked a lot about different ways to stay in my body :). So, in the middle of the party I stood up on a chair and took a minute to observe and take in all that was happening. Seeing all the family and friends who flew in to celebrate with us, showing up in the best way with the best energy, humbled me on a deep level. It’s a long trip, so anyone who was there wanted to be there, and I know how much effort it takes.

Watching our incredible Bozeman community, who have been on this journey with us from the beginning in the most supportive and loving way, groove with Nissim Black, brought tears to my eyes.

This was so much more than a Bar Mitzvah. It was a personal acknowledgement and celebration of accomplishments and perseverance of epic proportions. And not only was it a personal celebration, but it was also a communal celebration. We didn’t do this alone. We are here today because of our village, and our village deserved to be celebrated. And celebrate we did.

I knew coming off this Bar Mitzvah week would be hard. I knew I was going to be riding a big high and eventually I would have to come down from that. Intellectually I knew it, but I think somewhere in my heart I thought maybe I could avoid it, like somehow I would seamlessly transition back to life. Alas, the crash was hard.

It was emotionally taxing to watch all my family and friends leave. I was physically exhausted from all the work that’s entailed in making a simcha outside of an established religious community and coming right off Pesach, no less. And most of all, facing all the same realities that existed before the Bar Mitzvah that shockingly still exist after the great party, which is the hardest challenge of all. Reckoning with the pride/joy/gratitude for how far we’ve come, and boy oh boy how far there still is to go.

The celebrations are over and the day-to-day struggles and behavior challenges didn’t magically disappear. 🫠

Such is life, such is my life in particular. I’m working through it ;).

And honestly, this is why it’s so important to celebrate these moments. They are hard earned!

In my opinion, all milestones, accomplishments, and achievements need to be focused on and should be a big deal. It allows us to step out of the daily grind and remember and focus on all that we are grateful for.

I hope everyone finds and acts on the moments to celebrate, big and small!

🩷 Chavie

P.S. As you look through these photos, I want to acknowledge the people who truly made all our dreams come true!

@ebenhiyoun
@gromybrand
@wandernorthevents
@armoryhotel
@chanablumesphoto
@eventsbycnh
@NissimBlack

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.