The Influencer Paradox

A peak into my hive mind on this topic.

I came home from my Tanya class this morning feeling a little headachy and low energy. So I escaped to my room, crawled into bed, and here I am waiting for inspiration to strike. Sunday seems to be the day that I write my Substack essay. It works for me because the rest of the week is pretty full and Sunday is my least favorite day of the week, so it’s interesting to see how my writing plays out. Maybe being moody is a catalyst for more unfiltered thoughts.

Anyway, it turns out you can only hide out for so long before your kids find you and make a ruckus, so hang tight, I’ll be right back…

Ok, I’m back and the kids are settled. Menny is out with his “Big Brother” from the Big Brothers Big Sisters program. They pair up kids with older “brothers” and “sisters” who are kinda like mentors. Chana Laya is having a day out with her birth grandparents (a beautiful and incredible thing), Zeesy measured all her food for the week, so she’s getting some computer time, and Ezzy, our dog, is chilling next to me. I had a yummy lunch and I’m now cozy on the couch, armed with a cup of coffee and ready to dive in.

The past few weeks have been quite intense for many reasons. I can sorta be vague and talk about how I’m dealing with it, what I’m learning, and how I want to show up, but one of my pet peeves is talking about something but not talking about it. There can be a place for that and sometimes it’s done well, but other times it’s like either share what’s going on (with appropriate privacy and boundaries in place) or don’t. The veiled and metaphoric conversations are not for me, so we’re not going to do that. If I’m able to share something, you’ll know about it :)).

So I’ve been thinking a lot about what I addressed, humorously, this week on Instagram. I went on a little rant about PR packages in the influencer world. Let me tell you, it’s a confusing space to be in. There are no real rules. It’s a relatively new industry, so it’s hard to figure out. Let me start from the beginning:

I don’t know whether I fit the influencer profile. I truly don’t. What I do know is that I have a presence on Instagram. I have a wonderful crew of cool people from around the world and I love it. My page is where I show you real pieces of me and my raw and messy life. It has evolved in many ways, and now I have my podcast, Totally Unexpected! and this blog on Substack (thank you for being here ;)).

So here’s the thing: I’m human, and being in a space where you see a lot of brand partnerships and PR packages flying around can be a lot. It sometimes brings up feelings I’d rather not have. But instead of burying them and pretending I’m above it, I’m going to be honest. I’m not. I’m going to face them and process them and then maybe I can rise above :).

Recently there have been a few cookbook launches and of course I started to see all the PR boxes. It made me question how this all works. I’m someone who literally cooks for a living. It’s a huge part of my life and something I share regularly. So why am I not on this PR list? Yes, I have a smaller following, but the data shows smaller audiences can have far better engagement. Does it make sense to send a cookbook to someone who will never use it but will show themselves opening the PR package? Or to someone who will literally use it all the time and share it organically? That’s the nature of what I shared in my stories. It was humorous and I was just processing my feelings in real time. Gratefully, it was met with so much love and support and in the spirit I intended. You guys are the best. Truly.

I’ve really been thinking this week about how I’m feeling and why. I want to be true to myself and express myself in a way that feels right for me and also feels right for you. I was thinking a lot about the culture of influencing. I think it’s important to say that I don’t feel entitled to free stuff. If you know me or follow me, that comes through. There are many approaches to influencing. On the one hand, it’s a job where influencers advertise and work with brands to make money. On the other hand, the culture wants everyone to be authentic and aligned with everything they share. It’s a tall order and there is a lot of judgement influencers face. Most people are just doing their best to navigate a very complicated space.

For me, it’s challenging because I’m in the space but not really considered a real option for brands. There are one or two companies I’ve worked with and it’s been an amazing experience. It used to not matter at all to me because I was just having fun, but now that I have a podcast I’m growing and building, this stuff matters as much as I wish it didn’t. I wish I could be above it all. Ugh, being human can be a nuisance sometimes.

So forget PR boxes for a second, which are just for fun. Let’s talk about real partnerships and opportunities. I’m the person who’s always sharing the clothing I buy, the tablecloths I use, the products I try, because I enjoy being a team player. I enjoy promoting other businesses, especially fellow Jews, and that will never change because it’s part of who I am. Yet when I see other influencers get paid or sent products to promote, things I talk about endlessly for free, with a lot of success I might add, it feels like the narrative might be, “well, she does it for free anyway,” and they don’t look at me as a real contender. I don’t want my page to become an advertising page, and I know that’s something people appreciate about my little corner of the internet. I’m good at upholding my values, so that won’t change, but a few opportunities that make sense? I’m very open to that.

I’m even more open to partnerships or advertising with the podcast. Not many people talk about the catch twenty two of trying to grow something that requires funding from advertisers, while brands only want to work with already established shows. And the cycle continues. My brain spends a lot of time trying to figure out where my place is in all of this. I’m constantly grounding myself in my purpose and my values. What I will and will not do to get there. I’m grateful to have a strong sense of self and I won’t sacrifice that for the end goal. Nothing is ever “at all costs” in my book. It’s just as important for me to uphold my integrity as it is to reach a financial goal. It might take me longer than others. I might not have viral content that gets attention. But what I do have is me, and nobody else can be me.

I find that at growth intersections of life we bump up against feelings we didn’t think we struggled with. It can be confusing and a little destabilizing. I’m at this crossroads right now and it’s uncomfortable. I don’t particularly like it. But, like most things, it’s here to push me, to remind me to check in with myself, and it’s helping me double down on my purpose. I’m along for the ride. So if you’re on this ride too, welcome aboard :).

I will reach the people who are meant to be in my orbit and I will value each and every one of you. I might not be the one everyone wants to partner with, but I know, without a shadow of a doubt (ok maybe just a little doubt), that the right people will come around and believe in me, and that we will go far together.

Sharing all this might fly in the face of “how things are done,” but I feel pulled to share my humanness in all of it. Creating my podcast and writing to you on Substack has been such a passion and purpose. It really feels like sharing my soul with you and I love every minute of it. It’s also exposing and uncomfortable at times, like very. But that’s where the good stuff comes from. There you have it, a peek inside my brain and my process. I hope you receive it with the vulnerability and openness I intended. I’m human, you’re human, and we’re all here figuring out our place in the world.

Happy searching!

Chavie