Soooo obviously - I am NOT bored! As you probably read in my last Substack essay–Dispatch From the Road– I am the last thing from bored, and trust me the chaos has only boomeranged since then. However, I thought it was interesting to read this piece I wrote during the early weeks of the pandemic and remember how quickly our lives can change and that whatever overwhelm we are feeling now is fleeting when considering the the bigger picture.

Also, I hope this list of 21 (!!!) games can help you and your kids enjoy the holiday that much more. Or just save this list for when you really are bored. Okay, happy reading!

So we have been going at this home life thing for a few weeks now. I don’t know about you but we are getting a little stir crazy… For a lot of us we are going to be celebrating the holiday of Passover next week. Having a new toy on hand to change things up can really be a lifesaver!

I put together a list of some toys, games, and puzzles (there are not many books on the list as I am hoping to do a separate book list one of these days) that I really like. I think there is something for everybody on this list. Most of the things on the list are appropriate for the Jewish holiday observance. There are a few that aren’t, but being that kids aren’t going back to school anytime soon I included them as I’m sure they will always come in handy.

I like to keep a bunch of stuff in my closet that the kids don’t know I have, and pull them out when it’s most needed! I find having things on hand has saved me more times than I can count.

1. Gravitax — innovative marble run, super cool! They have a lot of different sets that you can add and build a collection. This is a great beginner set. Great for boys and girls, recommended age 8 & up.
   

2. Grimms — oh this company speaks to my soul. The most beautiful wooden toys ever! They have so many different options, it’s a whole world. This was the first set I started with and it’s so versatile and a great start to a collection I know you’re going to want to build. Amazing for all ages! Please check out what other Grimm options are available.
   

3. Quaggle — super fun, it’s like reverse Jenga with crazy shapes. Great family game, ages 5 & up.
   

4. Slapzi — I am really not a game person, like really not, I don’t find any pleasure in them at all 😳 But even I had fun playing this!
   

5. Squigz — these are a fun suction construction 😉 great for toddlers and even older kids get into it. Eight different versatile shapes, pieces connect easily and POP apart. Great bath toy as well!
   

6. Family puzzle — this is so cool! A family puzzle with different size puzzle shapes — all ages are able to participate and create a puzzle together. Pretty genius if you ask me 👍
   

7. Fidget puzzle — if you have some kids who don’t really play or who have ADHD like in my family 😉 this is a great fidget toy and puzzle in one. Once you get it into a crazy shape you have to figure out how to get it back into a square. Really popular with kids around 10 & up.
   

8. Axe Throwing — so I have a really active boy who loves to throw things… these are velcro so they won’t damage anything and you can do it indoors. I can’t wait to try these.
   

9. Dimpl Digits — audio, visual, and kinesthetic learning all in one. Perfect toddler experience 😉 (not for holiday).
   

10. Paper Airplane — I love Usborne! They have great books and activity books. I linked a few here but I could go on forever so please check out all the options, there are so many! I feel like this would keep my kids busy for a while.
    

11. All About Feelings — who couldn’t use this right now 😉 So important to be able to help facilitate our children identifying with feelings and emotions they might be having.
    

12. Science for Beginners — if you have kids that love information, this is the set for you.
    

13. Lift the Flap Adding & Subtracting — this is cool especially now when we are doing school from home (notice I didn’t say homeschooling 😏). Makes learning math somewhat fun. They also have ones for multiplication and division, fractions and decimals, so check it out!
    

14. Embroidery Kit — this is great for a rainy day, never hurts having it around. (I just hope my kids don’t ask me for help because I won’t be of any use 😏).
    

15. Paint by Sticker — my kids loved this, just took it with us on our recent trip. Extra bonus: doesn’t make a mess!
    

16. My Family Builders — I love these! Covers all skills: social emotional, cognitive, language, and physical. Great for a large age range. Comes with activity cards inside for added challenge and fun.
    

17. Shopkins — oldie but goodie 🙂 these keep one of my daughters busy for hours.
    

18. Crocodile Creek Puzzle (ages 2 & up) — by far my favorite puzzle company!
    

19. Crocodile Creek Puzzle (ages 5 & up) — again, love these. They have so many different options. I have a whole collection.
    

20. Pegs — just such a classic. I’m sure so many of us remember playing with these.
    

21. Gravity Maze by Think Fun — I had to add this. Different from the Gravitax I posted, but so cool and makes you use your brain.

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Hope you enjoyed this list as much as I enjoyed putting it together! Also, don’t forget about the podcast episode we just released yesterday, a fascinating conversation I had with the acclaimed author and self proclaimed Chassidic feminist, Rivkah Slonim. You can find it on Spotify HERE, on Apple Podcasts HERE, and on YouTube HERE.

Happy prepping!

Love,

Chavie

Twenty years, BH! It Just feels so big.

I wrote this essay four years ago. As I read it now I’m struck by how much we have grown and how hilarious it is that so much is still the same. Marriage, right?! In all seriousness I’m feeling all the feels. It’s a huge milestone and I’m really proud of us!

Also, I just dropped a new episode on the Totally Unexpected! podcast that I did with my husband in honor of our anniversary. We go through our entire infertility and adoption story for the first time. This is a part two from last year’s episode where we walked through how we met, dated, got married, and moved to Montana! After this, what will we talk about next year?? I’m sure life will provide the content ;)).

Listen to the new episode here!

Listen to last year's episode here!

It’s intense enough trying to merge the lives of two humans, even without any extenuating circumstances. Too often when we are young and dealing with something big, a lot of the emotions and deep feelings get pushed aside due to a lack of tools or even a lack of awareness. We think we can move on by putting all our focus on solving “the immediate problem,” which in our case was figuring out how to build a family.

G-d had a very special life in store for us, and over the years we have encountered many life-altering challenges that constantly push us to dig deeper and deeper. Every time we find old wounds that we think are over and done with, they come back up. I’m talking all the way back to childhood. I’m sure you’ve heard about inner child work. Let me tell you, I really believe having a deep, meaningful partnership and being a present parent are very much dependent on addressing our childhood wounds.

We could’ve had the best childhood. We all have stuff. This is not blaming our parents for our struggles. This is about understanding why we do the things we do and why we make the choices we make. At times we could be operating out of fear or projecting our previous experiences onto our spouse or child. They are hard to confront, but facing them, understanding them, and having compassion for them is such a gift.

In the last sixteen years, these are some of the things we faced as a couple: permanent infertility, my husband’s mother passing away, adopting a preemie with a lot of medical trauma, adopting a child with a rare genetic disorder that took five years to diagnose, adopting our son who’s Black, and adopting a 12-year-old with an incredible amount of trauma.

After self-harm, attempted suicide, and other scary cries for help, it became clear that as much as we wanted to be able to handle it all without help, we couldn’t. Our daughter needed a protected and safe environment to work through all her traumas, so she went to a wilderness program followed by a year in a therapeutic equine boarding school.

To top it off, last year we had to send our eight-year-old son to treatment for severe behavioral issues. Having to do that twice for two different children hits hard. Not to mention running a Chabad center in a remote location with no family nearby. These life events take a toll, no matter how strong you are.

I mention all these experiences not because I’m into the comparative suffering game. I have no doubt that every single person in this world can make a list of challenges just as long. These just happen to be mine. The point I’m trying to make is that there are going to be obstacles in your life. They are going to affect you and your relationships. And that’s ok.

I can clearly remember the point in time when I realized it was time to go deeper. Sending Shoshana to wilderness was such a turning point for me and for my husband. When you have a child in treatment you are really confronted with your own baggage, and you are forced to face it head-on—for your child, for yourself, for your family. It opened a whole new world of pain and, as a result, profound healing.

Growth never stops. It evolves; it waxes and wanes. If we are in this world, we will be tasked with the mission of character development coupled with, and just as important, self-acceptance.

I have also learned that just as self-acceptance is important for how I view myself, it is vital for how I view my spouse. When we try to change who our spouse is we will hit up against a wall, and rightfully so. We cannot control or take ownership of our spouse’s struggles, behavior, or pain. We can only control our own. I know—not cool. I’m still learning that. I seem to know it and unknow it more times than I would like to admit.

I think as we grow older in our marriage things do get easier. You know each other better, and there is a certain comfort and ease. At the same time, as the family grows the challenges get more intense. There is a lot at stake, and that can feel scary. One of the ways we move through overwhelming situations is with humor—by not taking ourselves too seriously. Trust me, it’s a lifesaver.

My husband and I both have very strong personalities. I know, shocking. Our strength comes from different places. My husband leads with his intellect. He’s strong, a leader, and can take charge (Enneagram 8). I lead with my emotions. I have strong intuition and I’m very sensitive to energies (Enneagram 4).

The more time we each spend understanding what drives us, what circumstances provoke strong reactions for each of us, and what our core fears are, the less hold it has on us. When we can recognize the patterns that we fall into, or like our therapist likes to call it “the dance,” the less urgent and scary it feels.

We still find ourselves in the dance, but we both have made so much progress in recognizing and understanding how we got there, what the triggers were, and sometimes we can even turn it around in the moment.

So, on the eve of our 16th anniversary, I’m going to take a moment to be proud. Proud of our growth, proud of our perseverance, and proud of the beautiful relationship we have built despite, and because of, all we have been through together.

To many more happy, healthy, action packed years,

L’Chaim!

Chavie

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I hope we’ll get to look back at this time and say, “Wow, remember when…,” but right now we’re in the second week of “social distancing” or “quarantining” due to the COVID-19 virus.

In some moments I think, “I got this,” and in others I’m completely overwhelmed and experience waves of anxiety. Today was a particularly hard day. I’m not sure why it ended up that way. Maybe I was off. Maybe it was because it was snowing and felt even more cooped up. Who knows? But it was hard.

I’ve mentioned before that one of my daughters has extreme anxiety when taking tests. Today she had to take a makeup test, and boy oh boy, it did not go well. I really thought that this time we were going to get through it positively. We reviewed for a few days, made charts, wrote summaries, and even talked openly about her test anxiety and how to manage it. She was ready.

She looked at her test today, and everything we practiced, everything we worked on, went out the window in an instant. It’s hard to describe what that looks like. It’s so primal. She just loses control, screaming, yelling, and crying for hours.

In the beginning, I did a pretty good job trying to hold her emotions and offer support, but she just wasn’t in a space for anything rational. After going round and round for a long time, I lost it and did not act in a way that makes me proud.

Now, with the house quieted down and the kids in bed, I can reflect. I realize that I do have tools I’ve learned that I didn’t use when they were needed most.

Many of you have either read or heard me talk about Brad Reedy. He’s the clinical director of Evoke Therapy, the wilderness program our daughter Shoshana attended, and he’s written some amazing books (you can see them here: https://amzn.to/2UkS8fM). One of the most valuable tools I learned from working with the Evoke team and Shoshana was the “I Feel” statement.

It’s crazy how powerful this communication tool is, and I want to share it with you. Just remember, initially it may feel awkward, so be kind to yourself through the process. Slowly but surely, it will feel more natural. As I just told you, I didn’t use it today when it could have been really helpful, but it’s not too late. Tomorrow, when we’re calm, I’m going to ask for a do-over and give it a try.

I figured this would be a great time to talk about this concept.

The life circumstances we’re all experiencing are so unique and challenging. Most of us are stuck at home in confined spaces, with no clear end to this shutdown in sight. Having a communication tool in our back pocket can’t be a bad thing 😊.

So here I go. What’s the “I Feel” statement, and how does it work?

The “I Feel” statement allows two people to connect while also remaining separate. It’s the ideal balance in a healthy relationship: connection and separation at the same time.

The “I Feel” Statement

I feel __________ (emotion)
I feel this when __________ (description of event)
I feel this way because I think __________ (beliefs / interpretations / perceptions)
A hope within my control __________
A hope outside my control __________

One of the most common mistakes we make in the first part of the “I Feel” statement is adding the word “like” or “that,” as in “I feel like…” or “I feel that….” Using “like” and “that” turns it into a thinking exercise rather than sharing a feeling. So keep it simple and stick to an emotion.

The next part, “I feel this when…,” allows you to add your thoughts and give context to the feeling you’ve named. It can be helpful to imagine yourself as an outside observer of the event you’re describing. Otherwise, we can be tempted to influence or manipulate the listener. After describing the event dispassionately, you’ll have a chance to explain why you’re feeling the way you do in the next step.

For me, this is one of the hardest things to keep in mind. I have to make sure I don’t sneak in a lecture or repeat the same ideas in different forms to get my point across. Doing so would be an abuse of the spirit of the “I Feel” statement. It’s a mistake to use it to control behavior rather than to express yourself authentically and create emotional connection.

The next step is to distinguish internally between what is in your control and what is not. This gives you a chance to focus on your own wants, hopes, and needs. For parents, this can be especially difficult. We spend so much time focusing on getting our kids to change or deciding what their needs and wants are that we often lose sight of where they end and where we begin.

When we clarify what we do have control over and what we don’t, it can go a long way toward freeing us from guilt and unnecessary power struggles.

The final step allows us to express hopes and desires without being manipulative. It’s like a demand-free wish list, with no expectation that the other person comply.

I’ll share one of the “I Feel” statements I used with Shoshana so you can see how this works. And by the way, you can use this framework to express something positive or negative.

I feel hurt.
I feel hurt when you don’t let me hug you or get close to you.
I feel this way because it feels like you’re rejecting me and have a problem with me.
A hope within my control is to let you know how I feel when you shut me out.
A hope outside my control is that you can accept the love I want to give you.

I feel joy.
I feel joy when I see you being a great and loving sister.
I feel this way because nothing warms my heart more than seeing my children get along, especially given the unique way our family was created.
A hope within my control is to take things one moment at a time, enjoy the times you love your siblings, and be okay with the times you don’t.
A hope outside my control is that you’ll always be able to treat your siblings with respect and recognize how much they look up to you.

There is obviously so much more to say and explore when it comes to the “I Feel” statement, but I hope this is a good start :).

This is an amazing communication tool for anyone in your life. It’s not specific to a parent-child relationship.

Happy feeling!

Chavie

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Ever since my childhood, I’ve loved to travel. I love the adventure, I love learning about different cultures, I love seeing architecture and design unique to each geographic location. Mostly, I love the memories and the family bonding it creates. I just love everything about it.

My husband and I struggled with infertility during the first years of our marriage, and one of our coping mechanisms at that time was traveling and enjoying each other’s company.

Though our life shifted drastically with the adoption of our five children, and our life’s journey is extremely busy and somewhat challenging, our desire to travel and see the world hasn’t dissipated. Not only did I not want to sit around and wait for my kids to get older before traveling again, I actually wanted our kids to explore the world together with us.

Many people tell me, “Oh my, I would never travel with my kids. It’s too hard, too expensive, too stressful.” While all of those points are true and valid, I still think it’s worth the time, effort, every penny of cost, every headache, every hair-pulling moment. It’s all worth it, and here’s why:

COMPASSION
When you travel, it opens your eyes to what’s going on in the greater world. You’re forced to look beyond your four walls and your local comfort zone. When you see how other people live, what other countries or societies struggle with, you develop a deeper sense of compassion and empathy and learn to care about more than just yourself.

EDUCATION / CURIOSITY
Because we travel, our kids are constantly looking at maps, atlases, and travel books, talking about where they wish we could go and why they’re drawn to those specific places. This alone is powerful, as it sparks curiosity and a desire to learn more about the world and prioritize exploration. Once we’re there, there’s so much to absorb: different cultures, languages, history, and of course, food. It gives them a broader, more informed view of the world. As a bonus, learning how to pack, stay organized, and follow instructions is nothing to sneeze at.

FLEXIBILITY
OMG, have you ever been on a trip where everything went according to plan? I definitely haven’t. From flight delays, to no electricity in an apartment rental, to luggage not showing up, we’ve had some wild things happen. But honestly, what’s a more valuable lesson than learning how to manage and respond to situations that are completely out of your control? You’ve got to roll with the punches, or you’ll end up pretty miserable. Flexibility can be learned anywhere, but when you’re far outside your comfort zone, the lesson hits differently.

MEMORIES
Some of my best childhood memories are from our family trips. There’s nothing quite like the memories created through shared adventure. Kids won’t remember every toy you bought them, but the trips will stay with them for a lifetime. And this is important: you don’t have to travel somewhere exotic to create these memories. Anywhere can become special. The key is presence and focus on the family unit.

SELF-DISCOVERY
As kids learn about the world around them, they’re also given the opportunity to learn about themselves: what piques their curiosity, what scares them, what excites them. They discover who they are and build skills they’ll carry with them throughout their lives.

Happy trails!

Chavie

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What’s it like living in Montana? I’m asked that almost every day.

I assume it’s a lot like living anywhere else, in the sense that it’s amazing and hard, the perfect place and the worst place, depending on the moment, depending on our mindset. Just like everything in life, it has pros and cons. That being said, Montana is known as “The Last Best Place,” and I have to say I agree with that most of the time :).

One of the things we do to stay active in the never-ending winter is ski. I grew up in Texas, so it couldn’t be further from my comfort zone. During the first few years in Bozeman, I was determined to learn the art of downhill skiing. I took lessons, and I can proudly say I’m a successful amateur skier. I have more stories of crashing, falling, and untimely lift dismounts than I care to share, but when you’re on those skis, there’s nothing like it. The adrenaline, the beauty, the thrill are hard to describe.

As our family has grown, I have less time to get up to the mountain to ski, but I now get to put all my energy into my kids’ skiing experience. And let me tell you, it takes a lot of energy. Yes, it’s thrilling and exciting, but boy does it take a lot to make it happen. Just the amount of gear needed is astonishing. You’re talking ski boots, skis, poles, helmets, goggles, face masks, gloves, ski socks, ski pants, ski coats, and all of this times three (as I currently have three kids in ski school).

You also have to be on top of your game, because registration for ski school is in October, and if you’re not signed up in the first week, chances are you ain’t getting a spot. I’ve made that mistake more than once, but come on, who’s thinking about skiing in October? Apparently the whole town of Bozeman :). First you get your kids signed up. Next, you rent your skis (that’s what makes the most sense for our family) and make sure you have your season passes.

Then you wait for the season to start.

On ski day, it takes about a half hour to get everyone outfitted in their gear. And let me tell you, the struggle is real. Getting those ski boots on can be quite the challenge and is almost guaranteed to bring about tears from at least one of the kiddos.

We’re so lucky to live twenty-five minutes from our local ski hill, Bridger Bowl. But the parking, oh man. It’s quite the workout just to get from your car to the hill, and schlepping skis and poles is no small task. Yet, you know what? We get used to it. The kids become pros and learn great skills. By the time they get to their lesson, you’re sweating through all the layers of clothing you’re wearing. After that, you definitely need a glass of wine and a massage :).

You may wonder, is it all worth it? It sounds like a whole lot of work, not to mention expense. YES, YES, YES. Every bit of it.

Here’s why: when you see your child persevere, work hard, and feel pride in their accomplishments, there’s nothing like it. It’s hardcore out there. They fall, they get hurt, they’re cold and tired, but they go out of their comfort zone, and they are brave. Many times they’re at the top of a run that really freaks them out and want nothing to do with it. But like Chaya said, “I didn’t have a choice. I had to get down. I couldn’t stay up there forever.” What great life skills. And side note, they’re busy on a Sunday doing something healthy and active. There’s not much else to do around here in the winter :).

The best tradition of all is the hot cocoa they enjoy when they get home after a long, active day.

I hope you enjoyed this little glimpse into life in Montana and how we utilize what our amazing state has to offer in the best possible way.

You never know, you might want to make a trip to the “Last Best Place” and experience it for yourself.

Love,

Chavie

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A few days ago, on the 15th Kislev, we celebrated Chaim Shaul’s (HEAD SHLIACH of Montana’s) 44th birthday!

Every once in a while I look back on our years together and it’s quite incredible to compare our young naive selves to who we are today! I’m taking the opportunity, in honor of my husbands birthday, to give him his flowers :). He has earned them trust me! Life is a heck of a wild ride and I couldn’t have asked for a better partner in the chaos.

So here is an archived post that Chaim Shaul wrote after his 40th birthday bash!

Enjoy,

Chavie

Y’all know Chavie Bruk: the blogger, the Instagram influencer, the Tanya teacher, and, if you’re in Montana, the Chabad Rebbetzin of Big Sky Country. Yet you don’t necessarily know Chavie Bruk—the amazing wife and loving mother who, with class, poise, and candor, always makes her husband and children her top priority and gives each of her six “dependents” the TLC we all want and need.

I knew she’d be throwing me a 40th birthday bash; surprises don’t work well in our home and almost never remain a surprise. Yet from the moment she sent out the invite—“The Man, The Myth, The Legend. Rabbi Chaim, Aged 40 Years”—I knew this would be something special. For me, it was weird, as there hasn’t been an event at our Chabad Center in nearly 16 years that I wasn’t somehow involved in, so having a massive event with my community and not knowing the details kinda killed me :).

On Sunday, December 12, I was prohibited from entering my own shul, as Chavie and her team, including the one and only Leslie Lukas, were setting up for the bash. I spent the day with the kids and waited impatiently to see what my “crazy wife” pulled off.

When I arrived at the center at 7:00 PM, it was sheer shock and awe. The place was set up like a five-star gala: balloons, candles, a full-on bar with a bartender (I almost never drink, but after a few margaritas I finally figured out why people do), a high-end sushi dinner, two local musicians, Chalav Yisroel desserts, a book gift for each guest (What Would You Do if You Weren’t Afraid? by Michal Oshman), and a room of over one hundred locals—Jews and gentiles, old and young, retirees and businesspeople—all who came together to celebrate this milestone in my life.

Chavie didn’t just throw a nice party; she invested her heart and soul into every detail. Sure, our Governor Greg Gianforte and First Lady Susan surprised me. Yes, our community is truly amazing and so loving. Sure, my in-laws and closest childhood friend from Illinois flying in, was incredibly touching. But most of all, what meant the most to me was the deep internal knowledge that I married a woman who doesn’t just talk the talk but walks the walk. She knew how much this would mean to me—celebrating with my community—and she made it happen with such class.

Chavie isn’t a pushover. She’s opinionated, sharp, wise beyond her years, deep, and as truthful as they come but she’s also full of heart, full of love, and full of soul. And last Sunday, she made her husband feel like a million bucks.

When she spoke at the bash, she said she couldn’t wait to see how the next forty years would unfold for the two of us on our journey through life. I couldn’t agree more. With all the world’s challenges and chaos, I can’t think of a better partner for this insane journey than my Chavie, who embodies the teachings of Chassidus and always throws in a touch of Brené Brown.

A grateful husband,

Chaim Shaul

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How do you do something that you know is right and yet feels so wrong?

How do you stay strong when you are so broken?

How do you pick yourself up when you just want to crumble?

There are questions that I wish I had answers to.

Those of you who follow me on social media have seen my son Menny. Menny who lights up every room that he walks into, Menny who can dance anyone under the table, Menny who is sensitive to a fault. Menny who is probably the most popular kid in school.

Menny also struggles. He struggles with impulse control, he struggles with anger, he struggles with violence.

We have been managing these challenges for a while but unfortunately, it’s not under control. Things are getting worse, not better. We have an amazing team in Bozeman who have been working tirelessly to unlock the code that is Menny.

We were stuck and out of tools. It became clear it was time to take our doctors’ advice and get serious about the next step.

The next step brings us to this moment. I’m sitting in the airport, awaiting my flight back to Bozeman, having done the most painful and traumatizing thing I’ve ever had to do.

We enrolled Menny in a very special program that will hopefully evaluate, strategize, problem solve, and get to the source of Menny’s behavior issues. This will hopefully allow us to gain a better understanding of our sweet boy, so we can help and provide the tools he needs for success.

Tears are pouring from my eyes as the only image I see in my head is five compassionate people taking Menny from me.

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Yes, this is what he needs. Yes, I’m an active participant. But the pain and the hurt as he looks at me saying, “Don’t leave me here…” is just too much to bear.

Yet, we do it, we do it out of love though it feels cruel. How will I live with myself in the coming weeks, only G-d knows. Deep down I know that I’m doing the right thing. (Even though it took every ounce of strength I have not to take him with me and run). Maybe even one day he will forgive me (not counting on it anytime soon).

I’m sure many of you are thinking, “How could this be?” This is not the Menny we see and know. I want to tell you that the Menny you see on social media is the real Menny, just not all of Menny.

I am very intentional with why I am sharing Menny’s journey in such a public space.

I want Menny to know that there is nothing about himself that he should be ashamed of. He should feel proud that he is facing his challenges head on and doing something most people can’t wrap their brains around.

I am honored to be his mother and I only hope I can live up to be the mother he deserves.

Chavie

She’s grown so much you wouldn’t even recognize her!

We celebrated ZEESY’S 15th birthday a few weeks ago and I will never stop being in awe of the person she is and is continuing to grow into. Zeesy has a rare genetic disorder that affects her everyday life in a real way but she navigates all the challenges with grit and grace.

Enjoy this little trip down memory lane from her Bas Mitzvah 🩷.

I’m also reposting the remarks I shared at her Bas Mitzvah and the photos of the beautiful event that epitomized Zeesy’s beauty and spirit.

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Back in May, when Chaim and I sat down to begin thinking about Zeesy’s Bas Mitzvah, we wanted it to reflect who Zeesy is. Zeesy is that girl who from an incredibly early age loved art, coloring, painting. She has a creative soul that makes everything around her more bright, more picturesque, more vivid.

So, we decided on Zeesy’s Garden as the theme for this Simcha, bringing us all together to celebrate Zeesy’s appreciation for the Garden of Life.

You see, Zeesy entered the world back in 2010. From day one, she was unique in her development, her cognition, her way of learning. Yet, Zeesy, through incredible work and determination has not only made lemonade out of lemons, but has shown us that lemons are a beautiful, tasteful, mouthwatering fruit that adds so much flavor and pleasure to the simplicity and monotony of life. Zeesy doesn’t spend her days bemoaning her lot in life, focusing on the fact that she may be different, quite the contrary, she lives it up, celebrating each day, each

moment, each human interaction, each teacher, each classmate, each life experience, as something positive, inspiring, delightful, and upbeat.

Every flower in a garden is special. It grows in a unique style, it is nurtured and watered according to its needs, its colors are distinctive; each flower adds so much to the garden of life.

Years ago, we took Chaya and Zeesy to Butchart Gardens in Victoria, on Vancouver Island. It was mind blowing. So warm, so attractive, so colorful, it wasn’t world renowned because all the flowers looked the same and were alike. What made it special was the diversity of flowers, each embedded with a G-d spark that made it stand out to be a gorgeous creation in its own right.

Zeesy is the queen of our community garden because she lives life with the attitude of appreciating each moment as a special flower. Sure, she has her moments with siblings and friends, not every day is easy and smooth sailing, but you got to see Zeesy about 15 minutes after waking up each morning: She thanks G-d for life, washes Negel Vasser, which is the traditional purification of hands, she drinks her special breakfast shake, gets her meds, and before you know it, she’s bouncing toward the door to have another awesome day at school.

Today is music, today is library, today is therapy before school with Hannah, today I have Hebrew learning with Zissel, today I am going to have a call with Shana. She is a breath of fresh air: she is a beacon of optimism and positivity.

Our dear Rebbe, of blessed memory, even well into his ninth decade, would stand each Sunday giving out dollars to encourage charity and kindness. Some Sundays he would stand for as long as eight hours without interruption. Once, an elderly woman could not contain herself and burst out “Rebbe, How do you do it? How is it that you do not tire?”

The Rebbe smiled and replied: “Every soul is a diamond. Can one grow tired of counting diamonds?”

Zeesy epitomizes this concept. Always seeing others as sparking gems, with the most positive of outlooks. She sees everyone as amazing and delightful. I hope that when I grow up, I can be like Zeesy too :)

I wish Zeesy a hearty Mazal Tova and bless her with all our Rebbe’s brachos that G-d grant her all that her heart desires to continue being the blooming flower to our Bozeman community and way beyond.

May you have the inner strength to teach the world that challenges aren’t an excuse for a lazy or boring life, but one that inspires us to greater heights and to change the world for the better.

This post brings back so many special memories, I’m grateful that it was documented so beautifully and I always enjoy sharing with you!

Love,

Chavie

One of the most common questions I get is, “How do you manage stress? How do you self-care? How do you juggle everything?”

Short answer: I don’t ;).

But I’m going to attempt to address some of these concepts: managing stress, self-care, and “juggling everything” in this post.

These are based on ongoing conversations I have with my therapist, and they are always evolving.

What does "juggling" really mean? What does “balancing it all" look like? How do you prioritize one thing when everything feels so important? What do you leave out—dinner or work? These questions loop in my brain. So here is my humble, non-professional, don’t-hold-me-accountable opinion:

Let’s face it: there is no way we are not going to drop the ball. Finding balance may be an elusive goal; it may not even be practical. I know it isn’t for me.

Great, so what’s the alternative? A better question I’ve trained myself to ask is: What needs my attention right now?

I know it sounds oversimplified and obvious, but usually the best advice is :). This simple question has gotten me out of some serious spiraling situations. Try it! You might be pleasantly surprised.

I do believe that having a toolbox of skills at the ready is a very positive thing. Everyone’s box will, and should, look different, but across the board you need a variety of tools for different circumstances. Sometimes what has always worked for you just won’t anymore, and you’ll need to try something new.

These are some of the things in my toolbox, lovingly curated throughout the years. I don’t use all of them at once, usually only a few at a time, depending on what’s effective and what feels right for where I am.

Therapy – I go once a week, pretty consistently. For me, therapy is long term. It helps me grow and pushes me out of my comfort zone.

Exercise – I go to the gym twice a week, and it’s a lifeline. I work out with a trainer and with people I love. I used to hate exercising; it took years to find the exact combo I enjoy. Don’t be afraid to change it up. We change, so we need different things as we move through life.

Meditation – This is not something I’ve mastered in the least, but I keep trying. There are many ways to meditate, and I know the value it holds, so I will continue to explore and keep at it.

Journaling – The kind of journaling I’m talking about isn’t keeping a diary. It’s more of a brain dump: writing down all the horrible things you’d never say out loud. Get it onto paper, then rip it up. You don’t need to see it again. It’s very therapeutic to put those thoughts on paper and out of your body. Remember, our body keeps the score, and when we hold all those intense emotions inside, it can lead to chronic pain and illness. Nicole Sachs is a great resource for this if you want to learn more.

Energy Work – This is huge and has many different facets. Some people might be resistant to it, and that’s ok. I’m just here to share my experience, and I can safely say this is one of the most important tools in my toolbox. The more I learn, the more I realize how much there is still to know. This world is made up of energy and vibrations. How can we not use that as a tool for healing? I’ve been open about my work with Moishe Weinbaum, who uses a variety of energy tools. There’s also so much you can do on your own. Kate Murphy from Kate's Clean Life is another amazing resource and close friend I’ve learned so much from over the years. I can say unequivocally, hands down: the biggest source of our negative state and poor health often comes from an unhealthy brain/emotional state, and the greatest source of healing will come from a conscious shift in how we think, what we say, how we feel, and how we act. How do you talk to yourself?! Guys, this is huge! I’ve recently started learning more about Bach flower remedies, and I’m fascinated and excited to bring this into my life. I’ll keep you posted.

Cold Therapy – I have found this to be extremely helpful. I fought it to the bitter end. I hate cold water, and I live in Montana! But I must admit, it’s powerful. There are many ways to do this: fill your tub with cold water and plunge, or end your shower with 30 seconds of cold water and gradually increase the time. Don’t knock it, like my husband does, until you try it :).

Breath Work – There are many ways to do this too. Google or YouTube are great places to find tutorials.

Pause – By this, I mean: if you’re in the middle of a really challenging moment, stop and tell yourself, this is hard. It’s amazing how much your body will relax when you lean in and acknowledge the situation, instead of pushing it away or beating yourself up for struggling.

Cry – “The organs weep the tears the eyes refuse to shed.” - Sir William Osler. Crying is a physical and emotional release, and we almost always feel better afterward. I’m not a crier, but I’ve been getting more practice lately ;).

Be Open to the World – You never know when you’ll come across something that will change your life. If you’re set in your ways and closed off to anyone who doesn’t think like you, you’re missing out! The more open you are, the more the world has to offer. It doesn’t mean compromising your values, not at all. It just means you understand there’s something to learn from every experience and every person. You can appreciate one thing about someone and disagree with another. I was raised in, and love living with, the beautiful Chabad Chassidic culture. I cherish it deeply, yet I always find that perspective comes from every human interaction.

It’s Ok Not to Be Ok – The way I internalize this is: I recognize that life is fluid. It has ups and downs. Sometimes our marriage struggles, sometimes our children do, sometimes we’re financially in the dumps, sometimes our social life stinks. If we can know it’s not going to be like this forever, and give ourselves permission not to be ok, it can feel like a big burden has been lifted.

That’s a pretty great toolbox right there, if I may say so myself :). I urge you to start building your own toolbox. It won’t happen overnight, and it will constantly change and evolve as you do. It’s worth the investment.

To be clear: there have been times when I’ve come up dry, when nothing in my toolbox was effective, and that can be pretty scary. But that taught me something invaluable: at the bottom of our toolbox, the foundation of it all, is faith. We must know that at the beginning and end of it all is G-d. We can do everything in our power, which is what is required of us, and then we let go and let G-d. I’m aware that a lot of us struggle with our relationship with G-d, and I’d venture to say this is a valuable place to put some energy and effort.

I’m sitting here writing this just after a huge holiday season. Seems appropriate, as most of us have been stretched to the limit. As we try to ease back into a more consistent routine, I hope you find something I’ve shared to be helpful.

I want to leave you with something my therapist shared with me over this holiday month, words that had a profound impact on me, that will stick with me, and are now part of my toolbox:

He said, “Chavie, here is what I hope for you: amidst the crazy (and trust me, we are talking crazy), when you notice something beautiful, a smile on your child’s face, your guests enjoying the food you worked so hard to prepare, even the sun shining on your face as you walk to Shul, stop and absorb it. Really feel it, even for five seconds. This will make all the difference in your body. We work so hard and often forget to enjoy the fruits of our labor, so we can’t squander opportunities to acknowledge that for which we have gratitude.”

So here is my hope for you, dear reader:

Life is joy, life is pain, and life is everything in between. Feel it all. Acknowledge the hard. Feel the beautiful. Don’t give up on this amazing life that Hashem has gifted us. Keep learning, keep evolving, keep growing, and don’t forget, you are never alone.

With all my love,

Chavie

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Trying to eat healthy and feed my kids nutritional food has come naturally to me. Yet, the food world can be overwhelming, with so many opinions and ideas being thrown at us. Yes, ideally, I would love for our family to eat a whole-food, plant-based diet, with a small amount of organic grass-fed protein thrown into the mix. And wouldn’t it be nice to stick to minimally processed items?! But it’s not always practical, so I do the best I can! I love to incorporate nutrients anywhere that’s possible (smoothies are an awesome way to do that), and I aim to bring healthier snack options to our family.

So, I want to help you guys by making bringing healthy options into your home more accessible.

Here are two links (one for Amazon and one to my favorite place to buy smoothie powders) from my handpicked lists of favorite healthy food items and some of my smoothie staples.

• https://amzn.to/3hEcHxq

• https://bokusuperfood.com
  (This is my favorite place to get my protein powder, superfood powder, and shroom mix. They are awesome!)

I’m also going to leave you with an awesome nutrient-dense, flexible smoothie recipe that kids love!

Outrageous Chocolate Smoothie

• Milk of your choice (I use plant-based)

• A couple scoops of Amazing Grass chocolate superfood powder (included in my favorites list)

• Banana

• Frozen berries

• Ice

What’s amazing about this recipe is that it's super flexible! Add any fruit or veggie you enjoy, adjust amounts to accommodate how many mouths you’re feeding, and you’re good to go. You can’t go wrong!

My kids are pretty picky about their smoothies and always detect when I try to sneak greens in. That’s why I love this powder: it has so many great things in it (so I don’t have to add greens), and the kids love it. In their words: It tastes like a milkshake. Now, that is what I call a win!

Happy Snacking!

Chavie

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Do you feel lucky?

“You’re so lucky,” “you should be grateful,” “you’re so fortunate,” “think positive,” “look at the bright side.”

Those are some loaded phrases right there.

What do I mean by that?

What I’m about to share are thoughts that came about while raising children through adoption. I have heard so many times, “Your kids are so lucky to have you,” or even people telling our children directly, “You’re so lucky…” In truth, perhaps they are right, but there’s also a good chance that they are wrong. It is not for us to decide what other people should feel lucky about. Maybe they don’t feel as “lucky” or grateful as we imagine. What happens when we dictate to others how they should feel is that we make them feel shamed for not feeling the way we expected them to — and shame, oh boy, that’s a whole other topic!

This really applies to so many scenarios and situations. Have you ever been told, “Look on the bright side”? Or, “At least it wasn’t worse, like what happened to…”? I know I have heard that time and time again. When my feelings don’t align with what I’m told, along comes the guilt and shame.

I really believe that most of the time, when someone is pointing out the bright side to us, it’s coming from a good place. When we see someone we care about going through a hard time, it can be uncomfortable for us to just sit with them in their pain. We automatically want to try and help them find the “good” or the “bright side.” But ironically, we are making it all about us, expressing how we feel and what we can or cannot handle. Yet, if for a moment, we take ourselves out of the equation and really focus on the other person, we can be so much more present and so much more supportive.

It can be confusing.

You see, when something happens to us, either deeply painful or something that was not part of the life we envisioned for ourselves, we do try to implement the practice of looking for the good within the challenge. It’s okay, and even important, to seek the brightness for ourselves (if we are present with all our emotions, even the negative ones, and we give ourselves space to grieve). That is what personal growth is all about. Our own journey for us to travel. We shouldn’t put that journey onto someone else. That has to come from within, on their own timeline, at their own pace. The best thing you can do for someone who is struggling is to be brave enough not to make it better, not to point out all the reasons they should be happy and grateful. Just be there with them in their pain or frustration.

Trust me, it will go a long way.

As a mom, I attempt to instill in our kids a sense of appreciation for the good around them and how to look for the positive aspect in seemingly negative situations. However, I struggle to find the right way to do it without coming across as shaming or telling them how they should, or shouldn’t, feel. This is especially hard when you have a child who is a glass-half-empty kind of kid and has a much easier time seeing the negative in everything.

One of the therapists our family has worked with gave me a great suggestion years ago, and we do it every day without fail. Every night at dinner we go around the table and each of us — adults, children, and even guests — say something we are grateful for that happened that day. It is through this that we start to train our minds and enable them to access that part of our brain. So, if your child chooses to find the good on a terrible day, they will have the tools to do so without anyone sermonizing to them. Trust me, we can all use the practice :). At times, I have a hard time with it myself!

Naturally, when a loved one feels heard, when they know someone empathetic is there with them, and some time has passed, they could be asked, “Are you open to hearing my perspective, which may be a bit different from how you see it?” It is then — if they allow — that I share with them my Jewishly ingrained viewpoint that is optimistic and bright. But knowing when to do it is key.

I try to refrain from saying, “Well, you should be grateful for this or that…” as one of my kids is struggling. I used to do it all the time, but I recognize that that’s coming from a place of personal discomfort or fear — as in, “I don’t like to see my child struggling” or “I get frustrated because they are always so negative,” and I worry about how this will develop as they get older… and I begin to spiral. It’s not their problem that I am uncomfortable or fearful.

Instead, I take a deep breath, try as hard as I can to listen, express empathy, and just be the safe person they can moan and groan to — while hoping, deep down, that one day they will use the tools we practice every night at dinner :).

With love and gratitude,

Chavie

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I have tried so many gluten-free challah recipes over the years and was never too thrilled with the results. I actually gave up for a few years and didn’t even bother. I came to terms with the fact that it was never going to be anything close to regular challah.

The truth is, it isn’t—but I came across a recipe that I thought had potential, played around with it, and came up with a version I really like. It doesn’t taste like regular challah, but it’s really yummy and a great alternative.

In order to be able to wash on the challah and make the Hamotzi blessing over the it (more info here), the recipe needs to have a certain amount of oat flour, which makes the options more limited.

I hope you find this recipe as tasty as I do!

Ingredients:

• 2/3 cup water

• 1 tbsp yeast

• 1/3 cup honey

• 1/4 cup avocado oil (or oil of your choice)

• 3 eggs

• 1/2 tsp apple cider vinegar

• 1 cup gluten-free flour (King Arthur — this one is my favorite; not all gluten-free flours are created equal!)

• 1 1/2 cups oat flour

• 1 tsp salt

• 2 1/2 tbsp dark brown sugar

Instructions:

1. Mix all the wet ingredients together, then slowly add the dry ingredients.

2. The dough will be loose, so you won’t shape it like a typical challah. My favorite way to make it is in muffins.

3. I use these silicone muffin pans—they’re amazing, and everything just pops right out.

4. Bake on convection at 325°F for about 30 minutes, or until golden. (Adjust time and temperature as needed for your oven.)

Yields about 12 muffins.

ENJOY! 😊

Chavie

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We all know that the best learning method for kids is when they are hands-on, getting down and dirty. But that’s easier said than done. It’s very hard for me to let go, embrace the mess, and let the kids “help.”

Over the years, I have worked on being less rigid—enjoying the learning and bonding moments that occur when you let kids into the kitchen. I still think it’s okay to say “no thank you” at times; there is a time and place for everything! But I try to make a habit of asking myself: Why do I want to say no? Is it because I’m lazy and it’s easier doing it myself, or because I can’t handle the craziness in the kitchen at the moment?

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Seeing their delight in their cooking and baking accomplishments is something else. They are so proud of their successes, and they enjoy the mom attention so much that it really makes the mess and hours of cleanup worth it. Seeing their smiley faces as they bite into their freshly baked muffin or challah is priceless.

I always try to set up the space for maximum success: I place a proper stool near the counter so they can reach, and I lay out all the ingredients to minimize running around. I also really love this safe, wavy chopping knife.

It’s all about our mindset: expect the chaos and try to have fun with your little humans!

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Love,

Chavie

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Becoming a good parent is a process. These are some of the things I learned along the way.

I think just the mere fact that we are mothers makes us all qualified to share our thoughts and experiences. That is the context in which I am sharing; not as a parenting guru that has all the answers, because I don’t. I am a mom. Period. And we can learn so much from each other.

Here are three things I want to touch upon that have really changed everything for me! I say “touch upon” because these topics are so vast and could be discussed endlessly.

1. Parenting Means Changing Ourselves, Not Our Kids

I have spent so much of my time as a mom trying to control and protect my children. Guess what? It doesn’t work, no matter how badly we want it to! Yes, we mean well, and we want what’s best for them, but it’s not effective and it will probably make things worse.

It wasn’t until one of my daughters was really struggling and I was introduced to an amazing therapeutic program run by Dr. Brad Reedy that I really started to understand this concept. So, what is actually in our control? When I started thinking about that, it was extremely sobering. Basically, everything that’s in my control has to do with ME—not how my kids behave, not how they should feel, and not what they do. It’s all about how I am going to react to a particular situation, what kind of role model I am going to be, and how I communicate with them.

Two changes occurred when I had this realization:

A) I was like, “Oh my gosh, that’s overwhelming. I actually have to hold myself accountable, yikes!” It’s so much easier to focus on the things that we have no control over than the things we do.

B) It was incredibly freeing. I do not have to own every bad decision my child makes or every struggle they are having. Every child has their own journey, and the way they are going to navigate it will be unique to them. What they need from me is a mom who is well-grounded and healthy enough to weather the storm with them. Be there! Really be there, without our own emotions, fears, and triggers getting in the way. How do you do that?! The million-dollar question! Maybe that can be the next article. What I can say unequivocally is that the best gift you can give to your child is the gift of your own self-discovery. It’s the long short way—so very hard, but so well worth it. It’s a lifetime journey that I have only just begun. We can do this! And if we support each other, then we’ve really got it made.

2. Have Fun

For me, this was easier said than done. I have five children through adoption. They are so wonderful and special, and they have really high needs. I felt so consumed by the daily grind of appointments, medical challenges, scheduling, therapies… the list can go on forever. Then it hit me one day that I’m not having any fun. I am not actually enjoying my kids’ company. That was an “Aha” moment for me. It wasn’t the way I wanted to live my life. I needed to find the joy amidst all the chaos. There are days when that doesn’t happen. But now it’s on my radar, and when I’m feeling short-tempered or frustrated, I know I need to shift my focus and just plain and simple have fun and remember why I love them so much!

So, make that list of all the things you enjoy doing with your kids. And when you feel the walls caving in around you, grab that list and have some spontaneous fun! Your kids will love it—and more importantly, so will you.

3. Learn From Every Moment

A wise woman once told me, everything is a learning opportunity. Now that seems really simple—and it is—but it really changed how I looked at challenging moments. Let’s say I had a hard conversation with one of my children that didn’t go so well. Instead of thinking, “I’m a complete failure, this is a disaster” (which was my go-to), I started trying to reframe it: “Well, that didn’t go the way I would’ve liked it to go. Where did it go wrong? What could I do differently next time?”

This is also a really powerful thing to teach our children. One of my girls hates taking tests; she doesn’t understand the point and thinks it’s a big waste of her time. She had a challenging test coming up, and I offered to help her study. She said, “No, I’m not studying. I don’t need to study. Studying is stupid,” etc.

So I went back to “What’s in my control?” I can’t force her to study. I can only offer my support—but I’m not going to tie her down to her chair. That would be unproductive. So I let her be. Lo and behold, she took the test and didn’t do very well. She got her mark, and needless to say, she was not happy. Once she was calm, we were able to have a conversation, and I asked her, “What did you learn from this experience?” And, reluctantly, she was able to recognize that she does need to study, and she understood what she needed to do differently next time.

Getting a bad grade could’ve been a purely negative experience. But if we just learn to reframe, everything is an opportunity for growth and change. How cool is that!

You (we) got this!

With love,

Chavie

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This is our second summer going on a trip with Chana Laya while the rest of the crew is in camp (or out of the house). We love to find a city or town that we have never explored before, show up without a detailed plan, and tackle the uniqueness of the locale. We only had a few days, so we picked somewhere that’s relatively easy to get to from Bozeman. This year it was Ashland/Medford, Oregon—two short flights away from Montana.

While on our trip, I put a question box up on Instagram. A question came in, “How do you travel so much, expense-wise and time-off-wise?” It’s not the first time I’ve been asked this question, and I think many more probably think it :). I did speak about it in my stories, but I feel compelled to share my thoughts in this article to give the discussion and my viewpoint a more permanent space. My thoughts on this topic are layered and nuanced, and so spending time expressing my perspective will allow for more articulation on our decision-making without feeling like I’m being defensive.

I choose to share big chunks of our life on social media. That, of course, comes with the inevitable judgmentalism. I get that, and I can live with that reality—but I can’t live with the judgment influencing me to hide parts of myself or my life. It’s important for me (this is not true for everyone) to show up in the reality that I am in, unadulterated and undiluted. I have spent much time—and a full session in therapy—processing this and reflecting on whether I should base what I share on what “people can handle” or “what they will think,” balancing it with the internal flip side of the coin telling me, “You gotta read the room.” Ultimately, there are going to be people who judge your life and your choices. My job is to show up in the way that feels right for me. Over the years, I have worked hard on fine-tuning the balance of sharing and oversharing. My sharing might be your overshare—but ain’t that the beauty of us being individuals?

These are my thoughts surrounding travel. I believe that because I share so much of my life, you see all the little road trips and quick getaways we do, and it looks like we are always traveling. We also happen to live out West, where a quick drive is so spectacular that it’s hard to imagine it’s not a whole trip, but rather a few hours’ drive away. In addition to that practical nugget, we do go on one big adventure a year. Sometimes we skip a year, and sometimes it’s more than one a year—but that’s the average, and I think it’s important for our family.

I grew up on Shlichus (Chabad emissaries) in San Antonio, Texas. My parents did a beautiful job modeling for me and my siblings how to balance a very public life of service with the importance of quality family time. We always went on trips—sometimes it was a short drive to the Texas coast, and other times it was bigger adventures. To me, it was the secret sauce in living a life that involved so much personal output with minimal resentment.

And now it’s my turn to model that for my family.

I’ve figured out that the life I chose to lead requires breaks, rest, recovery, and quality time with my family while away from home. There are the 2–3-day respites we take that are a drive away, and there are the two-week adventures we take that require a year of planning and lots of savings to pull off.

Life is a lot, with immense responsibilities and overwhelming pressures. Raising children is a lot. I have found a way that balances it all out for me and my family.

So, I will continue to share. I will continue to model the life that I have worked really hard to create. There is a very big will to travel, so we have found a way. You’ve heard me say this before: the world is a beautiful place. If you can’t travel across the world right now, maybe you can hop in the car and drive a few hours and find the natural beauty nearby.

I hope this provides a little insight into the way we see it. And when I take you along on our family shenanigans, I hope you can appreciate the thought, the depth, the logistical planning, the financial planning, and the intention that goes into it all.

Wow! Ok! Thank you for hearing me out. Sorry if you just came here to find out about Oregon. By now you probably already know that you never get a travel post without some musings.

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Now, without further ado, Oregon!

It is very fun to land somewhere random with no real reason or preconceived notions and just check it out.

One of my favorite things about Ashland was the unique and beautiful landscape and topography, if you will. Rolling hills, beautiful vineyards, innumerable trees! It was gorgeous and unexpected. Just driving around town was a treat.

When we landed on Sunday afternoon, we went straight to an animal/bird refuge and sanctuary. It was hot, and they had a petting zoo that did not go well. All the goats descended on Chana Laya—she did not appreciate it, to say the least. But then we got to meet and learn about a bald eagle named Ms. Jefferson (MJ), who injured both her wings as a baby while falling out of her nest and has never been able to fly. She has been at this sanctuary for seventeen years, and boy does she have a personality. It was fascinating to hear all about her, and she was very entertaining to watch. The visit was redeemed.

Next stop was Trader Joe’s to stock up on food. Coming from a place with no Trader Joe’s, that’s a treat in and of itself. Then off to our little farmhouse rental (which ended up having rats in the ceiling—but that’s a story for another time) to settle down.

We spent the next three days exploring nearby cute towns. Jacksonville was my favorite! We drove two hours to Mount Shasta, ended up on a scary dirt road with the most gorgeous views. We had picnic lunches, canoed on Lake Siskiyou, and drove to the caves at Lava Beds National Monument—until Chana Laya declared, “This is creepy, and I am not going into any more caves.” We drove through a plague of locusts in Merrill, Oregon, which was disgusting. We got to see how glass is made and do some glassblowing of our own up in Grants Pass, and the views everywhere we drove were majestic. It’s hard to put the beauty of nature into words—as the song goes, “It’s a beautiful world.”

Ma Rabu Ma’asecha Hashem.

We really enjoyed one-on-one time with our baby (there are perks to being the youngest, I tell ya).

Stay tuned for our big family adventure happening soon :).

Love,

Chavie

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Gratitude is a word we hear often. It’s a concept we all believe in and strive to make a part of our lives. When I started to write an essay about gratitude, my brain started racing, and I was like, “Oh wow, okay! What can I add that is valuable to a topic that we talk so much about?” The last thing I would want is for you, the reader, to roll your eyes and think, “Well, that was a waste of time :).”

All this is to say that I took this assignment very seriously; it’s been occupying my mind for weeks. I even engaged you on Instagram for some of your insight. One of the questions I asked was, “What stops you from being able to feel grateful?”

Here are some of the responses I got:

• Stress

• Sadness

• Overwhelm

• Exhaustion/Burnout

• Anger

• Anxiety

• Jealousy

• Resentment

• Not being present

• Scarcity

• Unworthiness

• Daily grind

• Can’t be forced or expected

Many of you who participated in my poll shared that you felt capable of tapping into gratitude a lot of the time, but these were the feelings or the states of mind you were in when you found yourselves stuck and incapable of gratitude.

And boy, do I relate.

These responses are what inspired the direction in which I want to take this piece.

If you’re anything like me, I find it hard to force upon myself that feeling of gratitude when that’s not how I’m feeling at the moment on the inside. I also know that our mindset and the messages we send ourselves create the emotional/psychological reality that we are in. The personal journey that I’ve been on has allowed me to contemplate the possibility of bridging the gap. How do I authentically create a mindset that, by osmosis, affects the way I navigate life and the feelings I feel? The point isn’t to distract us from the areas of life that are causing us pain. Usually, when we are experiencing discomfort, discontent, or disappointment, it’s because we have a dream that hasn’t been actualized yet.

Your dream is worth pursuing! Gratitude is not about settling for less; rather, it’s about connecting to your dreams as they exist in the present—not just about their full actualization, which, G-d willing, will happen in the future.

Too many times, we stop ourselves from fully enjoying life as it is in the present.

For example:

• “I’ll only buy myself a new outfit after I lose ten pounds.”

• “I’ll feel like a good parent when I can stay calm in stressful situations.”

• “I’ll feel happy in my marriage if we don’t argue all the time.”

What if there were a way to access the contentment or happiness in the present, while we are on the journey to the promised land of our optimistic dreams?

Something like:

• Feeling confident in today’s body.

• Feeling connected to our children as we grow and repair past wounds.

• Enjoying your marriage even amid unresolved issues.

Gratitude can help us widen the camera lens so that we can zoom out and see more context. Same picture, same dream, different perspective.

Before Pesach, my husband purchased a book called You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. This kind of book is right up my alley, and I found myself reading it when my husband wasn’t. It has been having a really big impact on me. I find myself thinking about it all the time. My husband and I are also having many interesting and deep conversations around it. I want to share with you some of the concepts that have really impacted me. We will only be touching the surface, so if what I’m saying here resonates, I really encourage you to get a copy!

Here is where I’m going with this: I feel like one of the ways we can reach genuine gratitude is if we start to heal ourselves. Of course, it’s not the only way, but it’s the way that makes the most sense to me. Louise Hay has a perspective on how to do this—it’s simultaneously challenging and straightforwardly simple.

Some of her philosophies are:

• Every thought we think is creating our future.

• The point of power is always in the present moment.

• Everyone suffers from self-hatred and guilt.

• It’s only a thought, and a thought can be changed.

• Resentment, criticism, and guilt are the most damaging patterns.

• We must be willing to begin to learn to love ourselves.

• When we really love ourselves, everything in our life works.

Each one of these philosophies is so powerful, and we could spend days talking about each one! You know what else? I think it must resonate with me because all of these come straight from Tanya. She might not know it, but this is very much Chassidic philosophy 101.

Life is really very simple: what we give out is what we get back. What we think about ourselves becomes the truth for us. What we think about our life, children, marriage, or job becomes our reality. Most of us have foolish ideas about who we are, and many rigid rules about how life should be lived. This idea is not to put us down. I believe we are all doing the best we can with the tools and information we have, and if you know me, you will hear me say this often. But if we started to know better, had more understanding and awareness, we could do better or differently.

Almost everyone struggles with thoughts of “I’m not good enough.” Resentment, fear, guilt, and criticism cause more problems for our health than anything else. There is so much to say about this, and it takes a lot of work to internalize, but if we approve of ourselves exactly as we are, everything in life starts to work out. This is a big statement, and I have been wrestling with it—almost not wanting it to be true. Reflecting on it honestly makes it hard for me to deny.

Love is the miracle cure. Loving ourselves works miracles in our lives. Love is appreciation to such a degree that, when properly contemplated, can fill your heart till it overflows and bursts with joy.

Love can go in any direction. You can feel love for (as Louise says in her book):

• The very process of life itself

• The joy of being alive

• The beauty you see

• Another person

• Knowledge

• The process of your mind

• Our bodies!

Please add to this list!

Do you see where I’m going with this? I am pretty sure this leads us on a direct path to gratitude.

Lately, I have been into the world of affirmations. I’ve dabbled before, but it’s resonating with me more now than ever before. I introduced it to the kids as well, and they are soaking it up. I have been saying them with Chana Laya before bed, and she just lights up.

Depending on your goal and what you’re struggling with, that will determine the affirmation that will resonate. But a good one to start with is:

I love and accept myself exactly as I am.

Say it into the mirror multiple times each day.

In this book, she shares specific affirmations for particular struggles, but it always boils down to self-love!

I hope this inspires you to go down the path of self-love, gratitude, and embracing the power of your mindset.

YOU DESERVE IT. YOU ARE WORTHY.

Love,

Your biggest cheerleader,

Chavie

P.S. Besides the book, I want to share with you two additional resources that I find very helpful:

• Gratitude Journal by Mathias J. Barker – it’s the best gratitude journal I have seen. Some of the concepts in this article I learned from him.
  
  

• Citrine & Sage creates amazing essential oil blends. Each blend comes with a set of affirmations. We use them every day in our home. You can find her on Instagram, and she sells her blends on Etsy.

If I got a dollar for the number of times I get asked for a book list…

Books are such a subjective experience, so part of me hesitates to do this. But I do have great taste in books, if I say so myself 😏, and putting my suggestions out there doesn’t mean everyone has to like them.

I’m also creating this in a way that I can add to it because it's constantly evolving.

I will separate my suggestions into two categories: Novels and Parenting/Self-Discovery (I like that better than self-help).

I’m going to take the time to share a bit about the book and some brief thoughts. I know, I know — I’m amazing…

So here goes, in no particular order!

Where the Crawdads Sing – Delia Owens
It's about a young woman named Kya, who's left to raise herself in the marshes of North Carolina when her family abandons her at a young age. There is so much to her story: romance, mystery, and a murder… and it takes place in the breathtaking backdrop of the South.

This book really captivated me. I particularly enjoyed the vivid descriptions of the marsh, the birds, flowers, etc.… and obviously the story was amazing.

The Giver of the Stars – Jojo Moyes
Based on a program that was instituted by Eleanor Roosevelt in the mid-1930s, The Giver of Stars is about a group of women who begin a traveling library that delivers books to the rural areas of the town on horseback. These so-called Pack Horse Librarians must overcome several obstacles on their way to bringing literacy to the masses, but they do so and tackle these challenges together. It's a tale of love, friendship, and, of course, books.

A cool story. I love to learn something new when I’m reading, and I’d never heard of the pack library before this. It’s unbelievable the lengths these women went to to make books accessible, and what an impact books make in people’s lives. Can you imagine a life without books?! I can’t!

The Great Alone – Kristin Hannah
Ernt Allbright, a former POW, comes home from the Vietnam War a changed and volatile man. When he loses yet another job, he makes an impulsive decision: he will move his family north, to Alaska, where they will live off the grid in America's last true frontier.
This is an intense book, and I really loved it. Living on the frontier of Alaska is wow. Side point — it was interesting to see some similarities to Montana. It does talk about some big issues, so just know that. Kristin Hannah can do little wrong in my eyes.

The Four Winds – Kristin Hannah
Elsa Wolcott is a woman trying to raise two children on a farm in the Great Plains during the Dust Bowl following the Great Depression. She watches as the lands around her crack in their perpetually parched state, and the hopelessness threatens to break the spirit of those around her. As the situation worsens, Elsa is forced to decide whether to stay and fight or leave for the uncertain and unfamiliar lands in the West. In this tale, Kristin has written a survival story about resilience, love, family, courage, and the American Dream.

I figured it made sense to follow The Great Alone with another Kristin Hannah book. I knew nothing about the Dust Bowl during the Great Depression, and it had a big impact on me. This book has a lot of layers and doesn’t only address the Great Depression — it speaks a lot about rejection and family dynamics.

Small Great Things – Jodi Picoult
Ruth Jefferson is a labor and delivery nurse at a Connecticut hospital with more than twenty years’ experience. During her shift, Ruth begins a routine checkup on a newborn, only to be told a few minutes later that she’s been reassigned to another patient. The parents are white supremacists and don’t want Ruth, who is African American, to touch their child. The hospital complies with their request, but the next day, the baby goes into cardiac distress while Ruth is alone in the nursery. Does she obey orders, or does she intervene?

I’m not usually a huge Jodi Picoult fan. That being said, I really liked how she addressed the extremely sensitive topic of race. I found myself thinking a lot about it long after I finished the book.

This Tender Land – Kent Krueger
In the summer of 1932, on the banks of Minnesota’s Gilead River, Odie O’Banion is an orphan confined to the Lincoln Indian Training School, a pitiless place where his lively nature earns him the superintendent’s wrath. Forced to flee after committing a terrible crime, he and his brother Albert, their best friend Mose, and a brokenhearted little girl named Emmy steal away in a canoe, heading for the mighty Mississippi and a place to call their own.

This book takes place during the Great Depression like The Four Winds but is so different. It’s a beautiful and emotional story and I was drawn in. The resilience that humans are capable of is mind-blowing.

Little Fires Everywhere – Celeste Ng
Set in Shaker Heights, Ohio, Little Fires Everywhere tells the story of Elena Richardson, a woman who thrives on structure and rules, and her family. When Mia Warren, an artist who has been living a nomadic lifestyle as a single mother with her daughter, Pearl, arrives in town, it threatens everything Mrs. Richardson has known. Meanwhile, close friends of the Richardsons have adopted a Chinese-American baby, resulting in a custody battle. When a fire breaks out in the Richardson home, the town is buzzing with speculation on who the suspect is.

I put off reading this book for a long time. I didn't think I was going to like it, but I really did. I was surprised by how poignant it was — I learned a lot.

The Midnight Library – Matt Haig
Nora, a thirty-something woman who is regretful about her life and feels alienated and unneeded in this world, comes across the Midnight Library. In it, each book represents a portal into another variation of what her life could have been.

I enjoyed this book and thought it was a great way to remind ourselves that the way our life unfolds is the way it was meant to be. 👍

Once There Were Wolves – Charlotte McConaghy
Inti Flynn arrives in Scotland with her twin sister, Aggie, to lead a team of biologists tasked with reintroducing fourteen gray wolves into the remote Highlands. She hopes to heal not only the dying landscape but Aggie, too, unmade by the terrible secrets that drove the sisters out of Alaska.

I am quite obsessed with this book. It’s probably not everyone’s cup of tea and that’s ok (maybe 😉). I love this topic, and it was very cool for me to see the similarities between this story and the reintroduction of wolves into Yellowstone.

Lessons in Chemistry – Bonnie Garmus
Chemist Elizabeth Zott is not your average woman. In fact, Elizabeth Zott would be the first to point out that there is no such thing as an average woman. But it’s the early 1960s, and her all-male team at Hastings Research Institute takes a very unscientific view of equality — except for one: Calvin Evans, the lonely, brilliant, Nobel–prize-nominated grudge-holder who falls in love with—of all things—her mind. True chemistry results.

Such a great book! One of the characters is a dog named 6:30 and he’s the best. I loved everything about this book — so deep and light at the same time. There should be more books like this.

The People We Keep – Alison Larkin
Set in the mid-90s, this tale follows the story of April Sawicki, a 16-year-old girl from a small town who has been dealt a raw deal when it comes to family. After a fight with her father, April steals a car and flees their motor-free motorhome to find somewhere she can fit in and call home.

Powerful story. A 16-year-old girl, all alone in the world, making some smart and some scary choices, leaves you praying that every teenager has a safe place to call home.

Malibu Rising – Taylor Jenkins Reid
Four famous siblings throw an epic party each year. However, this time around, it will end in a fire that sets Malibu aflame. Nina Riva is a swimsuit model whose husband has recently left her. Jay Riva is a professional surfer. Hud Riva is a photographer, and Kit Riva is a junior in college. Their father is legendary musician Mick Riva. In this family drama detailing the history of the Riva family and a 24-hour period that will change them all, Taylor Jenkins Reid brings us a story about family, love, heartbreak, surfing, and one unforgettable party.

At first, I thought this was a more shallow book — which isn’t bad at all, just not what I’m usually drawn to. But it had more depth than expected, and I really enjoyed it.

Darling Girl – Liz Michalski
Skincare magnate Holly Darling’s world is rocked when her comatose daughter goes missing. Things get even worse when she realizes there’s only one person who had a motive to steal her daughter — the shadow of a man she once knew. This is the perfect story for readers looking for the darker side of fairy tales.

Unexpected, and it held my attention. I was fascinated by it. The dark side of Peter Pan is quite dark…

History of Wild Places – Shea Ernshaw
Travis Wren has an unusual talent for locating missing people. Often hired by families as a last resort, he takes on the case of Maggie St. James — a well-known author of dark, macabre children’s books — and is soon led to a place many believed to be only a legend.

I really don’t like thrillers or creepy books, but this book was so good and just the right amount of creepy. I did not have nightmares 😉.

The Lincoln Highway – Amor Towles
The Lincoln Highway is a fast-paced and reflective adventure story centered on three young men from disparate backgrounds, whose incarceration together in a juvenile detention center brings them together on the outside, where conflicting motives and moralities set them on a course for collision across the United States.

This book reminds me a little of This Tender Land — but obviously very different at the same time. Again, so many layers to this book, which by now you can tell is my thing.

The Personal Librarian – Heather Terrell & Victoria Christopher Murray
The Personal Librarian tells the story of an extraordinary woman, famous for her intellect, style, and wit, and shares the lengths she must go to — for the protection of her family and her legacy — to preserve her carefully crafted white identity in the racist world in which she lives.

This book is based on a true story. It was very interesting, and I learned a lot. It’s hard to believe these stories are real. So much has changed, and so much hasn’t.

All the Ugly and Wonderful Things – Bryn Greenwood
A beautiful and provocative love story between two unlikely people and the hard-won relationship that elevates them above the Midwestern meth-lab backdrop of their lives. As the daughter of a drug dealer, Wavy knows not to trust people — not even her own parents.

I debated about adding this to the list. It’s a very good book, but it pushes boundaries and messes with your head a little bit. So, consider that your warning.

True Biz – Sara Nović
The story takes place at the River Valley School for the Deaf — a boarding school located in Ohio. We mainly follow three characters: February, the hearing headmistress, a CODA (child of Deaf adult[s]) who is fighting to keep her school open and her marriage intact but might not be able to do both; Charlie, a rebellious transfer student who’s never met another Deaf person before; and Austin, the school’s golden boy, whose world is rocked when his baby sister is born hearing.

I am fascinated by Deaf culture. I loved learning more about it, and it’s a very compelling story. Like everything in life, it’s complicated and never black and white.

This Close to Okay – Leesa Cross-Smith
About two strangers who form a beautiful bond: Tallie, a recently divorced therapist, and Emmett, a man standing at the edge of a bridge. The book takes place primarily over one weekend when Tallie provides a home for Emmett after she finds him on the bridge.

This book addresses the topic of suicide (trigger warning) in a unique way. You find yourself rooting for the characters. Good read!

The Magnolia Palace – Fiona Davis
The story of two different women whose lives are changed at the Frick mansion, giving readers the chance to soak in dual eras of history — all while great love, epic loss, dazzling fortunes, and foul play are afoot.

I love historical fiction; this story was so cool. It moves back and forth between two time periods, and both storylines are equally interesting!

Black Cake – Charmaine Wilkerson
In the wake of their mother’s passing, siblings Byron and Benny are left with little more than a voice recording and a recipe for a traditional Caribbean black cake with a long family history. In this masterfully written historical fiction read, the two must reconnect with each other, uncover their mother’s past, and fulfill her final wish to share the cake when the time is finally right.

I really enjoyed this book. It wasn’t what I expected when I picked it up. It’s not too intense, but not fluffy — which is exactly what you want sometimes.

American Dirt – Jeanine Cummins
After her journalist husband runs afoul of cartel boss Javier Fuentes, Lydia’s entire family is murdered except for her young son, Luca. Now, Lydia and Luca must run for their lives to try to leave Mexico, despite the many dangers lurking along the difficult journey and with Fuentes and his men nipping at their heels.

I didn’t know when I read it, but this book turns out to be controversial. There are some questions about the accuracy of how the author portrays some aspects of her story. It is a novel, and I think quite a good one — if you can put aside the idea that it might not be 100% accurate.

Pachinko – Min Jin Lee
With the backdrop of the Japanese occupation of Korea, Pachinko follows the lives of a family living in Korea that re-establishes itself in Japan. The narrative progresses through the years and the events of WWII, and we see the family’s struggles and the sacrifices made in the name of survival. Even as the story nears modern day, its characters are never quite free of their history and the events of the past. Pachinko is a story of a family told across generations, whose lives are shaped by the events and attitudes of the world around them. It’s a moving and intimate story that deals in universal themes and struggles.

An amazing story. I learned so much about the Korea/Japan conflict that I knew nothing about. I loved how we followed the same family through so many years and struggles. A must-read in my opinion.

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow – Gabrielle Zevin
In this exhilarating novel by the best-selling author of The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry, two friends — often in love, but never lovers — come together as creative partners in the world of video game design, where success brings them fame, joy, tragedy, duplicity, and, ultimately, a kind of immortality.

This book was amazing and unlike anything I’ve ever read. It explores friendships and relationships in a very profound way. This book got a lot of hype — for a good reason.

I started this post months ago, and I keep adding to it. Finally realized I must stop and wrap it up or else it will never make it up on the blog 😳.

I mentioned at the beginning of this post that there would be two sections — Fiction and Non-Fiction. This post is already 11 pages long, so I decided to dedicate a separate post for my favorite “Character Building” books. Stay tuned for that.

Happy reading 😍,

Chavie

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Summer looked different for us this year. For the past five years, I spent five to six weeks in Texas with the kids, while Chaim Shaul held down the fort at home.

Do you ever find yourself constantly reevaluating and adjusting how you do things? I do! It’s like something works for a few years, a few months, a few weeks, and then—nope! It doesn’t work anymore, and you have to come up with a new plan.

As my kids started reaching school age and attending local schools, I started to feel like it was important that during the summer they go to a Jewish camp and be surrounded by a beautiful Jewish environment. So, my husband and I thought outside the box and came up with a plan. I’d go with the kids to San Antonio, Texas, where I grew up, for a big chunk of the summer, and he would stay in Bozeman, making sure our community was well taken care of and that the tourists passing through had a place for Shabbos. We both had to sacrifice. I was alone for weeks with four—sometimes five—young kids, and he had to cook for Shabbos and entertain many tens of people each week on his own. We’re not going to say who had the better end of the deal :). There were moments that felt very stressful, making each of us question our existence, but for the most part, it worked well.

Five years later, the kids are getting bigger, Texas isn’t filling the need for most of them, and it was time to reevaluate once again. This is why our summer looked so different this year.

Bozeman was back to being our summer home base. Chaya, Zeesy, and Menny all enjoyed overnight camp (for varying amounts of time), and we even had ten days with just Chana Laya at home.

It was an adjustment for me not to be spending the summer with my family, but it was the right choice. I realize that every time things change—when we don’t get to do something we’re used to doing, or something we wish we could do—expect some feelings around that :). Every situation we’re in does provide opportunity for something new, a new adventure or experience we wouldn’t have accessed otherwise, and that was true in this situation as well.

So during the ten days that Chana Laya was enjoying all the attention, we decided to take a little trip—just the three of us. Of course, we had to manage our expectations around that as well. Chaim and I have been wanting to get away, just the two of us, and it hasn't been possible. So this seemed like the closest we would get for the foreseeable future. Only one kid: sweet.

Let’s just say it didn’t at all feel like a trip for the two of us. It was very much centered around our strong-minded almost five-year-old. Yet it turned out to be such a special experience, and I am so grateful we did it!

Wow, this was a long intro to a travel post! I’m a big believer in context, in case you couldn’t tell.

Okay, so getting down to it. We had five days including travel (had to be home to host Shabbos), and we wanted to get the most out of our time. We love exploring areas that we’ve never been to before, so we landed on Lake Superior. We took a direct flight to Minneapolis (can’t fly to many places direct from Bozeman), picked up some food, and drove up to the shore.

Here’s our itinerary, and hopefully some inspo for your next getaway:

Sunday – Landed in MSP, picked up some food, and started our drive to Duluth. We went to the aquarium—quite nice for a small city. Our hotel room wasn’t ready, so we drove over the Wisconsin border to Little Manitou Falls. Nothing spectacular, but a great pastime. By then, we were able to check into our hotel. We stayed at Pier B, right on the lake. It was awesome. We ate our little makeshift dinner right on the water, and it was great.

Monday – Packed up and continued north along the lake. Did you know Lake Superior is the biggest lake in the world? First stop of the day was Gooseberry Falls. It was so cool. Hard to explain, but it was this layered rock/waterfall situation. Chana Laya got into her bathing suit and was able to explore and play in a G-d-designed waterpark. A unique experience! Split Rock Lighthouse was our next stop. Gorgeous views, amazing history—we enjoyed it very much.

On to our lodging for the night. We stayed in Tofte, MN at www.liveklarhet.com. It’s the coolest place. They created these dome structures on this beautiful property in the wilderness. When we arrived, the dome was extremely hot. It happened to be the hottest day of the summer, and the dome has no AC, but usually it isn’t a problem. Sure enough, as the sun set and we opened all the flaps, it was beautiful, and the rest of our stay was awesome.

Tuesday – We drove further along the shore all the way to the Canadian border. We spent time enjoying Grand Marais, this adorable artsy town. The town is right on the lake. It was a rainy day, and the weather system over the lake was so cool. It had this enchanted, spooky-like feel. Chana Laya had so much fun coloring on the floor of an adorable art store. We enjoyed browsing the shops, getting coffee from a little hut right on the lake, and taking it easy with no specific plans. On the way back to our cute little dome, we went up to Lutsen Mountain Resort, a small ski hill, and took a beautiful gondola ride to the top of the mountain, followed by dinner and bed.

Wednesday – We said goodbye to our dome and our chicken friends, and we headed toward Tettegouche State Park, where we did an amazing hike to Shovel Point. It was a little long for Chana Laya, but we made it—and it was spectacular. Next stop: Palisade Head, a gorgeous lookout that you access by climbing these big boulders. We had a little picnic lunch there and headed on our way.

Before we got to our lodging location, which was a tiny house at Getaway Kettle River, we stopped and did some biking (you know, the super touristy kind) around Duluth. Right after that, we called it a day and headed to our tiny house, which was such a cool experience. Loved it. Perfect for the three of us. Would have never been able to do it with the whole family.

Thursday – Packed up by 9 AM and we were on our way—a two-hour drive to the airport. We were in Bozeman by 3 PM.

It was a short, sweet trip, which has gifted us very fond memories.

I love to travel the world and land in exotic locations or explore the glorious cities of Europe. But I also value and appreciate adventuring in the state next door or the underrated location that nobody deems worthy. If you get discouraged watching people’s foreign travels and it’s not in the cards for you now, don’t forget the experience you can have just a short plane ride—or car ride—away.

Catch you later,

Chavie

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From the moment we brought our dogs home, there have been so many questions:

• Why did you get dogs?

• Are they a lot to manage?

• Is it harder than you expected?

• Do your kids like them?

• What were you thinking?

You get the idea :). Hopefully, this will be the tell-all you’re looking for, and I do a good job answering all your burning questions.

We started talking about getting a dog about four years ago. Our son Menny was struggling with significant behavioral challenges, and one of many ideas we considered was getting a dog, which we felt could help. My husband and I did not grow up with pets, so it was a stretch for us, but we started warming to the idea. We put down a deposit for an Aussiedoodle about three years ago, but as it got closer to the time and we started learning about the actualities of a puppy and its training, we backed out. The kids were a lot younger, life was a lot, and when I thought about adding a puppy to the mix, I would panic. The anxiety around the “puppy” was a clear sign that it wasn’t the right thing to do at the time.

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Bozeman is a literal dog paradise. Most people have at least one dog, and dogs have more rights than people around here. Only sorta kidding :). We consulted with a lot of friends, and we decided that if we were to get a dog, it would need to be an adult dog. Finding a stable adult dog isn’t easy. We had our eyes and ears open, but nothing ever panned out. As time passed, the thought of ever getting a dog seemed to become a distant memory.

This past March, we got a call from a friend of ours, Pam. She knew of two Goldendoodles that needed a home. A woman in town had lost her husband suddenly, and she was moving out of state and couldn’t take her eight-year-old dogs with her. Pam knew that we had been looking and wanted to know if we were interested. It came out of left field for us. Like I said, we kinda gave up on the idea. It sounded exciting and scary—especially because these dogs couldn’t be separated, so it was two or none. A part of me wanted to pretend that I never heard of these dogs—like life was complicated enough—but I couldn’t get it out of my head. I really felt like G-d puts things in your path at exactly the right time. It was hard to deny. The shul moved out of our house after fourteen years. The mudroom was ready. Dogs would not have been a possibility without that space. When I reflect, I’m like, “Of course nothing panned out before.” Not sure why I still question G-d’s plan sometimes. We can delve into that another time.

We took our time visiting the dogs over a six-week period. Obviously, we fell in love with them, and a few days after Passover, we brought them home.

Now that Peety and Ezzy have been with us for a few months, here are my thoughts so far:

• Dogs are amazing.

• Dogs are a pain.

• The kids love them.

• Rehoming dogs is very similar to getting puppies.

• I need to let go of perfection.

• I learn something new every day.

• I was totally wrong about which of the kids it would impact the most.

• I do not like the combination of dogs and rain.

• I love them.

• Kids and dogs go together like cookies and milk.

• Two dogs = lots of poop.

In conclusion: Some days, getting dogs is the best decision we ever made, and some days it’s the worst decision we ever made. Guess what? Both sentiments coexist happily. How many of us feel this way about our kids? I know—scandalous, lol. Don’t worry, I am not comparing dogs to kids; I just want to propose the idea that these contradictions are everywhere in our lives. It makes sense. It’s normal. Feeling them doesn’t make you a bad person, just human. When the dogs drive me crazy, it doesn’t mean I regret my decision—it just means I’m having a hard day, and yup, there are plenty of those.

Are there many people who don’t understand why we do the things we do or make the decisions we make? Yes! Plenty! Are we the recipients of comments and “jokes?” Absolutely! It’s okay. I am used to it and even understand it. Many choices I have made for our family are different and make some people uncomfortable.

When I watch my kids develop their relationship with these furry creatures, it melts my heart. When I see them take on responsibilities and care for others, I’m filled with a sense of accomplishment. For me, that’s worth it—at least while I write this :).

I’m proud of us. This was so beyond our comfort zone; this is beyond our comfort zone. Guess what? That’s where the magic happens. While I am not advocating for everyone to bring dogs into their lives, I am absolutely advocating for you to do something that scares the heck out of you—and wait for the magic. It’s coming!

With love,

Chavie

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You gotta love a broad topic like this. I’m going to approach this idea in the same way that I like to approach everything: a well-rounded, body-soul holistic experience. How do we make things physically beautiful, spiritually beautiful, and emotionally beautiful? Gosh, now that I’m writing this, it’s quite a tall order that I am giving myself, but let’s give it a go.

Physical beauty: Although this may come across as the simplest or most straightforward of the three, I think there is real nuance here. Beauty is not black and white; it’s in the eye of the beholder. I think that our society in general is really trying to move toward a more fluid, accepting standard. Take body image, for example—I know this is supposed to be about Pesach, but bear with me here :))—we are still extremely influenced by images and expectations that are unrealistic and unhealthy. Yet people are slowly bringing other ideas to the table, more so than ever before, and I’m all for it! We need to ease the pressure of what we think we need to be, how we are supposed to look. Trying to live up to all these unrealistic expectations doesn’t do us any good or make us happy.

When I talk about creating a physically beautiful environment for Pesach, this is what I want the message to be: create an environment that’s beautiful for YOU! Not what your neighbor is doing, not what the million vendors are telling you that you need to create a beautiful tablescape. What sparks joy? What lights you up? What is meaningful to you? If you know me, I love a good table setup. Someone else may want to focus on what they’re going to wear at the Seder, or maybe they are into fancy gourmet food dishes. There is no wrong or right way to express and enjoy the holiday of Pesach with physical beauty. So, I ask of you: spend a minute to reflect on what brings you joy, and then put your energy into that!

Ok, next up: our emotions. I don’t know about you, but the weeks leading up to Pesach can put me into some serious emotional spirals. I was talking to my therapist today, and they reminded me, “Every year you tell me that you can’t do it, it’s too overwhelming, and you’re not going to survive, and every year I tell you, yes it’s hard, yes it’s overwhelming, but you’ve got this, you will do it, you will survive.”

So, firstly, we need a cheering squad (at least I do)—whether it’s our husbands, our mothers, our therapists, or all of the above. We need someone to tell us, “You’ve got this! I have your back.” While acknowledging how hard this is and how scary it feels. I tell my husband all the time that all he has to do is tell me how amazing I am, like one hundred times a day ;).

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At risk of sounding like a broken record, I want to mention that being emotionally present and healthy takes a lot of work, time, and effort. I have been on that journey for years, and every year it gets a little better. I gather a collection of tools, and it makes a real difference. I encourage you to create that toolbox for yourself—the coping skills to pull out of the drawer when you’re at the end of your rope. I have a blog post that goes into more depth about this, but I’ll mention a few here to get you going.

1. Pause and feel whatever emotion is coming up for you. Thank your body for bringing it to your attention. Feel it, acknowledge it, and then have a mantra that gives you the energy to redirect. Something like, “I know this is hard, but I have the tools to handle it.” Come up with something that resonates with you, that doesn’t deny the reality, that doesn’t lead to toxic positivity, but at the same time doesn’t allow you to be stuck, and that empowers you to keep going.

2. Breathe, breathe, breathe! I cannot say this enough times! Sometimes the simplest things are the answer. There are many kinds of breathwork—some are calming, some activate and get you going. Identify your needs and find a practice that fits. YouTube has a ton of options.

3. Step outside if possible. Get your feet in the grass, the sun on your face, and fresh air on your skin. Even just a few minutes can do wonders.

I mention these three tools because I truly believe these are accessible even during the Pesach craziness. They don’t take a lot of time and can be done throughout the day. When you take the time to take care of your emotions, you can truly have an emotionally beautiful Yom Tov.

Finally, our beautiful spiritual soul. We can’t forget to take care of it.

I have been immersed in giving two Tanya classes a week, which brings Tanya concepts to the forefront of my mind. Recently I taught chapter 49, which talks about the concept of the Exodus from Egypt. This topic is mentioned in connection to creating a love for Hashem. If we think about how much Hashem loves us—illustrated by the fact that Hashem Himself took us out of Egypt—it’s mind-blowing! Even though we were at the lowest point in our spiritual lives, He brought us to Mount Sinai in a mere forty days, reaching the highest spiritual point humanity has ever existed at. This meditation will automatically produce a reciprocal love, because if we feel loved, then we feel loving.

This is all nice and dandy, but the Exodus from Egypt was a very long time ago. To be able to create such a real, tangible love from something that we don’t remember experiencing (yes, our souls were there…) is a tall order. So, the Alter Rebbe says in Tanya that every single day, every single one of us experiences our own personal Exodus. Every time we transcend our nature, every time we make room for G-d by doing His will—i.e., learning Torah and doing mitzvos—we are loving Hashem in the way that He loves us. Hashem came down into this world to have a relationship with us by condensing and constricting Himself, which is the ultimate act of love. We love Him back by doing the same.

So, while we toil and shvitz—cleaning our homes, peeling potatoes, grating maror—we are experiencing a transcendent relationship with Hashem. It’s not how we would necessarily choose to spend our time, but we’re doing it because that’s what Hashem asks of us, creating this mutually loving relationship. It doesn’t get more beautiful than that!

May we all experience the ultimate beautiful Pesach with the coming of Mashiach now!

With love,

Chavie

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